When I'm With You Pt 2: Withdrawal Symptoms
by sentencefragments
Summary: ARROW AU - After finally becoming a couple, the worst possible thing you can imagine happens to Felicity Merlyn. Her other half is gone and she has to find a way to live without him. Five years of struggling to find yourself and letting go of the person you loved more than life itself.
1. Lullabies

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: LULLABIES**

_Like lullabies you are,_  
_Forever in my mind._  
_I see you in all,_  
_The pieces in my life._  
_Though you weren't mine,_  
_You were my first love._

_I wanted to go away with you,_  
_And I will leave all my troubles here._  
_I wanted to run away with you,_  
_And I will bring all my dreams and fears._

_Like lullabies you are,_  
_Forever in my mind._  
_I see you in all,_  
_The pieces in my life._  
_Though you weren't mine..._  
_Like lullabies you are,_  
_Forever in my mind._  
_I see you in all,_  
_The pieces in my life._  
_Though you weren't mine_

_Though you weren't mine,_  
_You were my first love._  
_You were my first love._

* * *

Funerals were awful. That's one thing Felicity realized. She watched as the empty caskets were lowered down into the graves. Father and son, side by side, but not really. As understandable as it was for her to cry, she was truly amazed at the tear that slipped down her cheek. She honestly thought she had ran out with all the crying she had been doing over the past week. She felt numb, hollow even as she turned around in her coral heels and started walking back towards the house, walking past Thea and Moira, the twelve-year old girl sobbing against her mother's shoulder, clutching a stuffed animal, that Felicity recognized as the plush cat she had given her when she was born, to her chest. Moira looked scarily the same as the face she had seen in the mirror earlier that chilly March morning, red-rimmed eyes, hollowed out cheeks and a pale, greyish undertone to her skin.

Sara's funeral hadn't been any better. It was more intimate than this one, and not on private property but rather at the Starling City Cemetery. Laurel gave a beautiful but heartbreaking eulogy. Everybody cried, including Quentin, who she never, ever had seen shedding a tear before. Anne wasn't there. Felicity supposed it was because it hurt too much, but she hadn't been able to contact her all week so when she hadn't shown up, Felicity had started to worry.

This funeral was different. Felicity didn't know half of the people in attendance, a lot of whom were Oliver's supposed college friends, most of them of the female variety, crying their eyeballs out. The other lot of them mostly were Robert's colleagues and/or competitors. She doubted there weren't at least a few of them that were happy he was dead. This realization only fueled the anger that had built up during the service. It all seemed so unfair. She lost the man she loved. Who she had expected to spend so much more time with. Who she was finally happy with, only for that happiness to be ripped from her grip, so abruptly. She lost one of her best friends. The girl who told her it was okay to fail, as long as you tried. The girl who loosened the tightness in her shoulders, with pranks and things they weren't supposed to do, and oh how Felicity loved that. That feeling of freedom, and rebelliousness. It was Sara who showed her how to have fun, that it was important to let go once in a while.

But, she also lost the man who was more like a father to her than her actual father. The man who had taught her how to fly a kite and change a tire. The man who read her stories of faraway places and distant times. Who made sure she knew how important she was, and how important it was to always look for the good in people.

Her father, the biological one, sat next to her during the service. He didn't say anything to her, for which she was glad, because talking to her slacking father-figure only made the loss of the other hurt worse.

The first thing she did when she entered the mansion's living room was get herself a drink. She ordered a double scotch, making the bartender stare at her in confusion. She knew he was about to ask her if she was twenty-one, but the death glare she sent his way must have persuaded him to cut her some slack. She downed the brownish liquid in two big gulps, tears stinging behind her eyes because of the burn in her throat.

The room slowly started filling up with people, Moira and Thea included. They stood near the window, accepting condolences. Thea wouldn't let go of her mother, understandably. Moira had been holed up in her bedroom, barely responsive, not eating and Thea needed her now more than ever. So what would a twelve year old do? Of course, latch on and never let go.

Felicity looked down at the glass in her hands, shook her head a little and quickly ordered another before the tears stinging behind her eyes had the chance to spill across her cheeks. They fell anyway.

"Uhm, hi. You're Felicity, right?"

Felicity froze at the sound of her name. Slowly, she turned around, looking for the source of the voice. Before her stood a young man, must have been around Oliver's age with pitch black hair, piercing blue eyes and a soft boyish smile across his face. He looked strangely familiar, but she couldn't place him anywhere in her memory.

She sniffled and wiped at her cheeks. "Yes. And you are?"

His eyes went wide. "Oh, right! Sorry."

He held out his hand for her to take. "Tommy. Tommy Smoak."

She hesitated but accepted his hand, shaking it lightly.

"I just wanted to offer you my condolences. Oliver was a great guy."

Felicity swallowed and nodded, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Yeah. He was. Thank you."

The grip on her glass tightened as she pushed back another wave of tears. "Did you know him well?"

Tommy nodded and glanced around the room for a moment. His eyes landed on Laurel who was hugging Moira, her shoulders shaking as she cried. Tommy licked his lips and looked back at her.

"Maybe we could go somewhere private to talk?"

Felicity looked at him for a second and nodded. "Yeah, sure. Follow me."

They ended up in Robert's old study. Well, it still was his study, but since he wasn't with them anymore, should it be called his old study now? Nobody new was occupying it. And never would, Felicity was sure. She tried to push the whirlwind of thoughts running around in her head away, putting them into the 'for later' drawer. She sat down on the little couch pushed against the wall in the back of the study, Tommy sitting down next to her a moment later.

"Oliver and I met at Harvard. We studied business together. He was one of the best friends I had up there."

Tommy smiled softly and shook his head a little. "Always knew where the best parties were and things like that, but he was just a good, likeable, kind-hearted guy."

Felicity nodded in agreement. That was the Oliver she knew. She mentally corrected the way Tommy talked about him in past tense, because Oliver still was all of those things, even now.

"Sophomore year, my scholarship was dropped because of some cut backs. If it wasn't for Oliver, I would have dropped out because I simply didn't have that kind of money. You see, I'm from Vegas, originally. And no, it was not as fun as it sounds. It was just me and my mom up there, and we never really had any luxuries. I was going to change all that when I got into Harvard. But then they dropped my scholarship and it seemed like it was over. And then came Oliver, making sure that I would be able to finish my degree without any money problems. We became roommates at one point and even after he transferred to Central, he still paid the rent to that place so I could live there. He was like some monetary guardian angel."

Tommy chuckled and shook his head a little. "No, but really, besides the financial help that I'm still extremely grateful for, he was a good friend."

Felicity nodded in agreement.

"I wonder why he never told me about any of this." She mumbled.

Tommy shrugged. "That I don't know either. But I do know that he talked about you. All the time."

She stared at him for a second, biting her lower lip, trying to push back the tears welling up in her eyes. She closed her eyes as Tommy put a hand on her shoulder. She wasn't sure if she was ready to hear what she was expecting Tommy to say. She knew Oliver had loved her far longer than they had been together, and it made the loss of him feel so much worse. She was so angry at herself for not being selfish and pursuing something with him. She felt like she should have. She had been in love with him too. If she had just been honest about her feelings than maybe they would have gotten more time. But it was too late for that now, and as much as it hurt, there was no going back. There was nothing that she could do about it.

"Did you two ever get together?" He asked quietly.

She nodded, wiping at cheeks again. Stupid tears couldn't catch a break.

"Yeah. About a month ago."

Tommy scooted a little closer and squeezed her shoulder. "If it's any consolation, he really, really loved you. He may not have known it back then, but the way he talked about you, you just knew he was in love."

Felicity smiled softly, letting out a huff of air. "I know, and I loved him too, so much, but that doesn't really make it hurt less."

Pressing his lips together, he nodded and looked away for a second. "Sorry."

Felicity shook her head. "It's okay, really."

"I remember one time, you were coming to visit, and he spent two hours, maybe more, thinking of the perfect outfit, and what party to take you to. It was ridiculous."

Felicity laughed a little, through her tears. "That must be why you look so familiar."

Tommy nodded and smiled. "Probably, yes. I imagine we must have crossed paths in at least one party."

She smiled back at him before looking away, pressing her lips together, and then smiling again.

"You know, I met him when I was five. He was eight. That day is one of the only memories I have from that age. My mother had just passed away and for the first time since then I was smiling again."

She couldn't help the smile that appeared on her lips. "Oliver does that to you."

Felicity shook her head a little and a strangled laugh escaped from her throat.

"Oh god. He was such an idiot sometimes."

Tommy chuckled and nodded in agreement. She smiled and looked back at him.

"This one time when I was ten. He couldn't have been older than thirteen. We were helping Raisa, the Queens maid, bake brownies or cupcakes, I don't remember what they were, but we kept sneaking batter from the bowl into our mouths. At one point, she caught us, because of course she caught us. We weren't exactly being quiet with our laughter. She asked us what we were doing, with that thick Russian accent she asked us if we were eating the batter. That only made me laugh harder, but Oliver somehow remained completely serious, denying that we had eaten any of it with everything that he had."

She shook her head and chuckled. "Of course, he didn't know he had this giant chocolaty streak across his cheek. We ate so much of that batter that we both ended up sick the next day."

Felicity let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head a little. Tommy smiled softly at her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. You wouldn't want to hear it"

Tommy started shaking his head before she could finish her sentence.

"No, no. Talking about it is good. I'd love to hear your stories."

Felicity looked back at him, smiling. "Thank you. I don't really have someone to talk to."

"I mean, Oliver is gone. Sara, Laurel's sister and one of my best friends is gone with him. My other best friend is stuck at med-school in Stanford. There's no way I'm gonna talk to my dad. Thea is too heartbroken. So is Moira. Sara's girlfriend, who her family doesn't even know about, was also a good friend to me, but after Sara's funeral she seems to have vaporized into thin air. That basically leaves my elderly ex-driver, Frederick."

Tommy stifled a laugh. "I'm sorry. But that is just a ton of suck."

She nodded and chuckled softly. "Well aware."

Two short knocks interrupted their laughter. Felicity whipped her head around to see Laurel stepping inside the study. Her eyes were red-rimmed like her own, dark hair pulled into a bun. She looked hesitant but smiled softly as she met Tommy's gaze.

"Uhm, hey. Sorry to interrupt. They said you two were in here."

"That's okay." Tommy said, smiling at her.

"I was just wondering if you guys wanted to get out of here. I need to go somewhere where people won't judge me if I drink myself stupid."

Both Tommy and Felicity nodded.

"That'd be nice." Felicity said. "We'll be out in a minute."

Laurel smiled half-heartedly. "Great. I'll go get our coats."

She turned away, closing the door behind her. Felicity turned to Tommy, a small grin on her face.

"What is it?" Tommy asked. Felicity only grinned wider.

"So? You and Laurel? What's the deal there?"

Tommy shrugged and let out a breathy laugh. "There's no deal. Not really."

Felicity raided an eyebrow at him. "Oh please. Have you seen the look on your face whenever she is in the room? It looks like a sad little puppy."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. Felicity crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. Sighing, Tommy shook his head and gave in.

"Fine. I've known her for a while now, and I really like her, but now seems hardly like the right time to pursue anything, you know."

Felicity nodded. "I get it. Don't wait too long, though. She deserves something good."

After getting their coats and driving down the Mansion's driveway, their quest to find a bar had started. Felicity had snatched a bottle of vodka from the open bar, uncapping it as soon as they were seated on the backseat of the town car, taking a long swig, scrunching up her face at the burn in her throat. It was still pretty early to go out, so there weren't that many options, even in the wide array of nightclubs Starling City homed. Tommy suggested to go get comfort food first, stuffing away their feelings with burgers and fries. Felicity's growling stomach agreed before she could say the word, making her laugh. The alcohol was getting to her already. Drinking on an empty stomach wasn't smart, everybody knew that. Maybe she should have had breakfast, or lunch for that matter. Eating just didn't feel like a priority, and even when she did emerge from her bedroom to get some sustenance, she could barely keep it down without getting nauseous. So, it was a good thing that she was actually craving some food.

They ended up in a fairly empty burger joint downtown. It looked a little retro, with a bright red, white and yellow logo and little booths and a chrome countertop. There were only a few people inside, but Laurel promised they had the best burgers in town. A nice waitress took their orders after they settled into one of the booths near the window, looking out of the dark streets of Starling, the occasional street lamp offering its light.

Felicity took this time to look around the diner. There were a few other teens, getting noisy in the back corner, a little boy, probably not much older than four, coloring a few tables over, a couple with two kids and an elderly man drinking coffee at the counter. From where Felicity was sitting, she could keep an eye on the entrance, and she couldn't help but glance over to the door when the bell hanging over it rang. A man in uniform stepped inside. The waitress looked up and smiled like the whole universe just fell into place. She dropped the menu's she was holding on the counter and hurried towards the man. He dropped his duffel bag on the floor and enveloped her in a hug Felicity would describe as a big bear hug. The pair didn't kiss so Felicity assumed they were brother and sister rather than a couple. She knew she probably should look away and not invade on the private moment, but she couldn't make herself do it. Especially not when the little boy jumped off his chair and ran towards the soldier, wrapping his arms around his legs. The soldier ran a hand through the boy's curls, making him giggle. The waitress smiled at the two of them, touched the man's cheek and hugged him again. The soldier lifted the boy into his arms and hugged him close, walking back to the table the boy had been occupying and sitting down next to him. The waitress said something to them and then went to get something, probably her Big Belly Buster with Sweet Chili fries and she kind of hated herself for ruining their reunion because she wanted food.

"Felicity?" Tommy asked. She didn't respond at first, not really noticing that he had called out her name.

"Felicity? Are you okay?" He asked again, shaking her shoulder.

Her head snapped back to the table in front of her, gaze moving from Laurel to Tommy, who both looked at her in confusion.

"Uh. Yeah. Sorry, I zoned out for a sec." She said, smiling at both of them before glancing back at the soldier and the little boy. She didn't expect him to look up and catch her gaze. She jumped a little and blushed, but he just smiled at her and nodded at her. She smiled a little brighter and mock-saluted him, mouthing a thank you. He chuckled and turned back to the boy, wrapping his arms, which were the size of bowling balls by the way, around his shoulders and taking a pencil to color with him.

Felicity smiled and turned back to the table, just in time for their food to arrive. Tommy eyed her, but she just shrugged and dug into her burger after she thanked the waitress. It was nice to see something happy after the week she'd had.

* * *

Oliver woke up to the sounds of seagulls screeching. His eyes went wide and he pushed himself off of the bottom of the life raft, leaning over the edge to see what was probably the second most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life. Land. The high peaks of the small island loomed over him as the life raft drifted toward its rocky beach.

Once he got close enough to the shore, he stumbled out of the life raft, into the ankle-deep water, pulling the damn inflatable thing as far up the beach as he could. It wasn't that far, but enough to keep it from drifting away again. Oliver fell to his knees on the rocky beach. He'd made it. He'd actually made it to land alive. He could cry if he wasn't so damn over his shoulder at the life raft, his face fell. His father's body was lying cold and limp across the flooring, wrapped in whatever he had to cover him.

Oliver half fell, half sat down, burying his hands in his hair, elbows leaning on his knees. He hadn't made it. Not nearly. He still had to survive off of what little food he had left and get the hell of this island. There was nobody here to help him, and he had no survival skills whatsoever. In a burst of anger and despair he picked up a rock and aimlessly threw it at the ocean. Oliver screamed until his lungs gave out.

He had watched as his father put a bullet in the captain's head and then his own. Sara had drowned before they even knew what was happening, the Gambit was gone and he was stuck on a godforsaken deserted island in the middle of nowhere, with no sign of life anywhere near and no way of communication and he just wanted to go home.

The thought of home overwhelmed him with a wave of sadness and longing. His mother's warm smile, Thea's laughter. The smell of Raisa's cookies. His father's cars in the garage. His warm, soft bed. But mostly the girl in it next to him. Oliver laid back against the hard rocks of the beach and imagined her being by his side, like she had always been.

This wasn't just any girl. This was the girl. The girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The girl who didn't make him shiver at the thought of commitment. The girl that loved him for more than his money or his good looks, with her dyed blonde locks lighting up in the sunlight. Her smiling bright pink lips and her soft curves. He jerked upwards. He would fight. Find a way to survive. Find a way to get off of the damned island and go home. For her.


	2. Photograph

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: PHOTOGRAPH**

_Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes_  
_But it's the only thing that I know_  
_When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes_  
_It is the only thing that makes us feel alive_

_We keep this love in a photograph_  
_We made these memories for ourselves_  
_Where our eyes are never closing_  
_Hearts are never broken_  
_And time's forever frozen still_

_So you can keep me_  
_Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans_  
_Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet_  
_You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home_

_Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul_  
_And it's the only thing that I know, know_  
_I swear it will get easier,_  
_Remember that with every piece of you_  
_And it's the only thing we take with us when we die_

_You can fit me_  
_Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen_  
_Next to your heartbeat where I should be_  
_Keep it deep within your soul_

_And if you hurt me_  
_Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed_  
_Inside these pages you just hold me_  
_And I won't ever let you go_

* * *

The first time she dreamed about Oliver since he disappeared was during the night the Queen's Gambit was supposed to return to Starling City. She dreamed of him waltzing into her apartment, holding a bouquet of her favorite flowers (forget-me-not's), smiling widely and swooping her into his arms, kissing her senseless and telling her how much he had missed her. He told her how happy he was to be back and that he would never, ever stay away from her for that long ever again. He told her how he hated not being able to see her smile every single day. She had chuckled at that, making him smile even wider. "See. That. That's exactly what I'd been missing out on." He murmured against the soft skin of her neck. She woke up in cold sweat, jerking upwards into a sitting position, her hand coming up to where his imaginary lips had been mere seconds ago. A ragged breath escaped from her lips, tears staining her cheeks as the realization that it all had been a dream hit her. She'd started trembling, a violent sob running through her small frame, the loud cry dissipating into the silence of her apartment as she quietly wept on. It wouldn't be the last time she dreamed about him.

The dreams got worse and worse, or better, depending on the way you looked at it. They weren't nightmares, they were nice, happy. Like Oliver kissing her, taking her out for lunch, going for a walk, watching a movie while cuddled up on the couch, slow dancing at one of his mother's galas, eating ice-cream when the weather was hot. All very mundane things. The nightmare was having to wake up. So, she decided it was better if she just didn't. She spent entire days holed up in her bedroom. She took sleeping pills to keep her under. But, she was smart enough to not have anyone notice. She made arrangements with Tommy and Laurel, and even Charlotte when she came home from Stanford for the summer. They had a good cry together the first time that they saw each other after the accident. Felicity went to the Queens mansion often, visiting Thea and taking her to the zoo or the movies. Do the mundane things she did with Oliver in her dreams, well of course not the romantic ones, because that would be weird. It helped to get back in the rhythm of normal life. Slowly but surely she found herself again and she found a way to live without Oliver and Sara. The gaping hole in her chest wasn't gone, but it was wasn't the only gaining from it. Thea found joy again in Felicity's almost constant presence, Tommy and Laurel a new friend and Charlotte the normalcy and familiarity of her hometown.

* * *

"Do I really have to go?" Felicity whined.

"Of course not…but you kind of do."

"Tommy…" She dragged out his name.

"No whining. Please, just give it a shot. Maybe it'll be just what you need."

Felicity slumped her shoulders and sighed. "I don't know if I'm ready for this."

"Don't worry. If you're not ready, you're free to drop out. But then at least you can say that you gave it a try." Tommy shrugged.

She sighed again and nodded. "You're probably right. I need to get my life back together, or at least try to. College is a good start… I think… right?"

She nodded to herself again and looked around the small apartment. The place was just off of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology campus and she'd be calling it home for the next four years. (Or as it'll turn out, only three, since Felicity's brilliance with computers would allow her to graduate early.)

Tommy smiled softly and let out a breathy laugh. "Remember, I'm only a phone call and a bridge away. If you ever need someone, or something, just give me a call."

She smiled at him. "Thanks Tommy. I really appreciate you looking out for me."

"It really is no problem." He smiled again and stepped forward to wrap her in a hug.

"You got me into freaking MIT. That's not just nothing." She said, running her hands across his back.

"All I did was fill in the application form. You're the one with the flawless GPA and a notable internship at your dad's company."

"I did that for a month…until… you know." She looked down at her hands.

He nodded and smirked. "They don't need to know that."

Felicity chuckled and looked back up at him. "I missed the application deadline by months."

Tommy sighed and tilted his head to the side, laughing a little. "Fine. I know a guy."

She laughed and went in for another hug.

"I can't wait till Laurel gets here so she can celebrate with us." She said.

"Yeah. Me too. This weekend is gonna be fun."

"You should probably go, or you're gonna be late to pick her up, her plane is landing soon."

Tommy nodded.

"Go! I need to finish unpacking anyway."

"Okay, Okay! See you tonight!"

Felicity smiled and waved him goodbye, closing the door as he disappeared around the corner of the hallway, slowly pacing back around the tiny apartment she was moving into. She had refused her father when he had offered to buy her something bigger, and in his mind, more comfortable but the tiny little space had instantly captured her heart and it was all the room she really needed. She had stayed with Tommy for a couple of days when they went apartment hunting. The apartment he lived in still held a lot of Oliver's stuff. She thought it would upset her, and so did Tommy but the opposite seemed to be true.

She felt better because it made her realize that even though he wasn't by her side anymore, he never was completely, and utterly gone. Never truly without him. Tommy had been quite nervous as to what would happen to the apartment after Oliver had died, but it seemed Moira was aware of the arrangement her son had made and made sure that Tommy would not be homeless and could continue finishing his degree. Felicity had asked her about it a while ago and she reasoned there was already been too much hurt and pain in the world and she didn't want to have to be the one to inflict more.

Felicity slumped on the couch and sighed. She had taken a few things that had belonged to Oliver with her from Tommy's apartment. Not things that he needed himself, just some stuff that were more of sentimental value than anything else. Okay except maybe the Rolex watch she had given him for his 20th birthday, but other than that, there were mostly photos, a few records and really mix-tapes, a slightly less old Walkman, a pair of sunglasses, an old sweater and a pair of boxers, and even a Fall Out Boy cd. God, did he have terrible taste in music. She laughed a little and reached for the box sitting on her coffee table. She took out the small stack of pictures he had left behind and started flipping through them. Tommy kept most of the pictures of him and Oliver, but she had been free to take the ones of her and Oliver. There was one really old one in which she couldn't have been older than seven or eight. They were hugging each other while someone, probably Robert, also the one who took the picture, poured water over them with the garden hose. Her own face was scrunched up and she was yelling because of the cold but Oliver held her tight so that she couldn't run away. He was laughing, eyes twinkling mischievously. She smiled at the vague memory she had from that day. It had been extremely hot in Starling, as it had been the entire summer, Moira had been pregnant with Thea at the time. She smiled to herself while flipping through the stack, memories of better times washing over her. The road trip they had, trips on the Queen's Gambit, lounging by the pool and cuddling up by the fire at Christmas. Her favorite picture was a set of two made on the same day. It was just the two of them when she came to visit him here in Boston his Freshman year. It was the fall time and she was wearing a red coat and a bright smile. Oliver had his arm wrapped around her shoulders from behind, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She must have been around fifteen at that time and Oliver had to bend over to reach her level because she was too tiny. In the companion piece he was lifting her up from the ground, arms wrapped around her stomach as she laughed. She smiled at the memory and closed her eyes,resting her head on the back of the couch for a moment of was until her phone started ringing. She sighed, sat back up and reached for her phone. She didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyway.

"Hello?" Felicity said as she put the phone to her ear.

"Felicity? It's Anne."

"Anne! Where the hell have you been! I've been calling you like crazy!"

"I-uh. I'm in London. For my Master's. I got a new phone because it was cheaper. But that's not why I called, actually."

"What is it?" Felicity asked. Her eyebrows knitted together as Anne kept silent on the other end of the line.

"Is it true?" She asked after a long pause.

Felicity's mouth blurted out the first thing that came to mind, without giving her brain a chance to catch up with what she was saying.

"Is what true- oh!" The past five months flashed before her eyes. All the hurt, the pain, the grief, rushing through her head like a tsunami. A hand clutched around the necklace she had gotten from Oliver on her sixteenth birthday and a tear slipped from her eye.

"So that's a yes then?" Anne's voice broke, and she started sniffling.

Felicity swallowed and nodded, even though Anne couldn't see. "Yes, It's true. I'm so sorry. I thought you knew."

A forced, breathy laugh escaped from Anne's lips. "I moved right after your birthday and it isn't exactly big news here. Nothing in the papers unless you start digging."

"And you started digging." Felicity finished, quietly wiping away the tears staining her cheeks.

"Yeah." Anne sobbed. They were silent for a moment. Well, apart from the occasional sniffling and sighing.

"Sara and I decided to break things off after I moved. Long distance relationships rarely work out. We figured it would hurt less like that." Anne whispered after a while.

Felicity took a deep breath. "Sara didn't tell me. I assumed you two had already said goodbye when we were at the docks."

Anne started crying even harder. "I should have been there."

"I really loved her and now she just…she's gone."

"It's not your fault, Anne. Believe me, I had convinced myself that I should've done something. That I should've been selfish and demanded Oliver stay home. But I've had some time to think about it and there is nothing either of us could have done to prevent this. They're gone. And they are not coming back and we'll just have to find a way to live with that."

She was shocked at her own words, but it was true. She couldn't keep blaming herself, Oliver wouldn't have wanted it and neither would have Sara. She had to go on for them. They didn't get to live, but that didn't have to mean that she didn't either. She would live for them. To make them proud if they could see her. She would live for all the days that they wouldn't, appreciating every precious second, every beautiful sunset and all the big and small achievements.

* * *

Oliver was actually amazed at the condition the picture he was holding was in. It had survived all the water it had had to withstand. The colors had faded a little, the water damage not completely absent. The corners were crooked and it had bent with strain. He had had that picture for what felt like an eternity, but it couldn't have been more than a few months. He had lost track of the number of days he had spent on this godforsaken island. He knew every little detail the picture held. It had been taken in the blissfully happy month he had spent with Felicity before he went on the Gambit. She was biting her lip playfully, his head resting on her shoulder in mock exasperation.

He smiled softly and put the picture back into his wallet, where it belonged but he highly doubted he needed it here. The wallet that is. Besides that, it was the safest place he had for the picture right now.

Oliver looked up at the man who had both shot him with an arrow through his shoulder and saved his life. He wore torn trousers and a hooded vest in a dark green shade. For camouflage, he supposed. His hair was long and dirty, just like his beard. Oliver wondered how long he had been here. He still didn't know his name and he kept yelling this one Chinese word over and over despite Oliver telling him multiple times that he didn't speak the language.

"Shēngcún" He said again, pointing at the bird he had caught earlier. Oliver stared at him in misunderstanding.

"I told you, I don't speak Chinese." Oliver groaned in exasperation, leaning back against the stone wall of the cave, wincing as his wounded shoulder made contact with the solid stone.

"It means to live." The mad suddenly said, in broken English, but in English no doubt. Oliver sat back up, wincing again as his skin pulled around the healing wound. Frowning, Oliver examined the man for a moment.

"You speak English?" He asked, receiving a single nod from the man.

"Well why didn't you say so?!" Oliver shouted.

The man looked at him sternly, eyebrows knitting together and again, he pointed at the bird.

"Kill the bird and live." Their eye contact remained for a few moments before Oliver tore his gaze away and looked at the clucking pheasant in the tiny little cage.

"Shēngcún" the man said again and turned around, leaving him in the cave alone with the bird.

* * *

The year went by faster than Felicity could have ever imagined. She was feeling good, healing without even realizing it. It was good. Her life was nice, positivity made its way back into her mindset. She made some friends at MIT as well. There was Rose, a fiery British redhead with a political science major who was also a barista at a Starbucks near Felicity's apartment. She kept giving her random discounts even though she knew Felicity didn't need it, and objected multiple times. "That's what friends do." She'd say. So, Felicity decided to add up all the discounts she had gotten (quite a large sum if you considered Felicity basically lived off of coffee and chocolate chip cookies.) and gave Rose a jar full of all the change for her birthday. She didn't want to accept it at first, but Felicity just shrugged. "That's what friends do."

There was Savannah, who ironically also grew up in the city with the same name. Not as funny as it sounds, according to her. She always wanted to become an astronaut, but then she got glasses. So, now she was studying to become the next best thing, studying aerospace engineering. An astronaut on the ground as she liked to call herself.

And there was Cooper and his roommate Myron, who were in computer sciences with her. It was nice to have these two guys because she could finally talk tech with someone. They wouldn't raise their eyebrows in confusion or change the subject to something while she rambled on and on about new codes she had written and wanted to test out. They were nice, and even though they both tried to advance on her, Felicity politely shut them down, telling them about Oliver and that she wasn't ready to start something new. They understood, and they made a pact to become hacker bffs and nothing else. They did occasionally dabble in some pretty questionable cyber stuff. It started with with hacking into the school's website and making it so that porcupine farting noises were playing on a loop while you would browse the site. It got them into a bit of trouble but their professor decided to give them some extra credits because he was so damn impressed. He had created the websites firewall, after all. He was a good sport about it. But their hacktivism didn't end there and it would end up in something way more shadier than any of them had wanted.

But, for now, Felicity was standing in the Queen's foyer, waiting for Thea so they could go visit the graves and have dinner with Moira after. One year. That's how much time had passed, and Felicity was surprisingly optimistic for such a sad day. Her life was getting back on track and even though she missed Oliver like crazy, every single day, she was moving on.

"You ready to go?" Thea asked as she descended the stairs, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Felicity nodded. "Yeah."

She wrapped her arms around the thirteen year old, hugging her close.

"It's good to see you, Thea. Geez, look at how much you've grown."

Thea rolled her eyes and smile. "You sound like my great-aunt Elizabeth. I haven't grown that much."

Smiling, Felicity put a hand on Thea's shoulder. "It's been too long."

Thea chuckled. "Uhm yeah, and whose fault is that? Who decided to go to college? It wasn't me"

Felicity laughed and hugged her again. "I missed you too, speedy."

Thea groaned. "I am never going to get rid of that nickname, am I?"

"Probably not, no." Felicity chuckled and held her hand out for Thea to take it.

"C'mon." She said with a small jerk of her head. "Let's go visit them."

Thea nodded and took her hand. Together they walked all the way out to the secluded area of the Queen Mansion's gardens where the two prominent gravestones were placed. The sun was just about to set, but there was already a chill in the air. Ironic, Felicity thought. They brushed stray leaves off of the stones, wiped away some of the green stains the weather had left behind, relit the candles and placed fresh flowers in the vases.

"I miss you, Oliver." Felicity whispered before pulling a picture of the two of them out of the pocket of her coat and placing it next to the burning candle. She pressed a kiss to her fingers and then placed them over his name engraved in the granite. Thea reached for her hand when she stepped back. Felicity took it, squeezing softly and putting her free hand on her shoulder. They stood in silence for a while, both lost in their own mourning. Thea sniffled and wiped a tear away from her cheek before rubbing her hand over her arm. She was shivering.

"C'mon. Let's go inside." Felicity said and Thea nodded gratefully. Felicity knew why Thea hadn't said anything about being cold. She didn't want to ruin the moment for her, but Felicity wasn't going to let her end up with hypothermia because she needed to have a good cry.

Felicity wrapped an arm around Thea and they made their way back to the mansion. Thea rested her head on Felicity's shoulder and sighed.

"I thought it'd hurt more." Thea whispered.

Felicity squeezed Thea's shoulder. "I thought so too."

Thea straightened as they stepped inside and headed towards the dining room. "But it feels like I should feel worse, like I should be more upset, but I'm not."

"I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Means you're healing."

Smiling softly, Thea took Felicity's hand and squeezed it lightly. "Thanks Lis."

"Of course." Felicity replied and pulled the younger girl in for a hug.

"We are gonna be okay, Thea. I promise."

Thea's hold tightened and she buried her face in Felicity's shoulder. Felicity just held her, because she needed that hug just as much as Thea.

"Ah! There you two are." The voice of Moira Queen rang clear through the dining room. She was dressed in her signature pencil skirt and flowy blouse combination. She smiled brightly, for the first time in a long while, as she walked towards the two girls, a tall man Felicity vaguely remembered just a step behind her.

"Felicity. How are you darling?" Moira asked, wrapping her arms around Felicity.

"I'm getting there. Mostly busy with school." Felicity smiled at the woman she considered to be her mother as she pulled back.

"How is it going? I was so excited to hear you were going to give it a try" She said, soft smile gracing her lips.

"It was quite the adjustment at first, but I enjoy the challenge, keeps my mind occupied. It's been good." She nodded to herself.

"That's wonderful to hear, sweetheart, because I wanted to introduce you to someone."

Moira stepped to the side and put a hand on the man that had been standing in her wake's arm. "Felicity, this is Walter Steele. He was Robert's CFO and current CEO of Queen Consolidated."

"Hi Walter!" Thea chimed in, going in to hug the man, to Felicity's surprise.

"Thea. How wonderful to see you again my dear." He spoke with a thick British accent. He turned back to Felicity.

"Miss Merlyn."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Steele. I heard the company is doing well."

"Likewise. It is. The company is flourishing again after the events of last year."

"Good. Good." She nodded to herself and smiled a tiny sad smile. "And please, call me Felicity."

Walter smiled and held out his hand. "Well then I insist you call me Walter."

"Alright. Walter it is." She said smiling as she shook his hand.

"Moira has told me all about your impressive academic career. A great mind like yours is hard to come across these days."

Felicity blushed and ducked her head involuntarily. She was used to the compliments about her 'beautiful brain' but still, she couldn't help but be flattered "Well thank you."

"Do you happen to have any plans for the foreseeable future? Queen Consolidated offers a great internship program over the summer. I think you would make a great fit. If you want of course."

Felicity's mouth fell open as she processed what he was saying. Moira smiled encouragingly at her, urging her to accept the offer. Felicity let out a breathy laugh and smiled.

"Oh wow. That would be incredible. QC has always been ahead in the technology department and it would be an honor, really."

"Wonderful. I think you and I will have a lot to discuss over dinner."

"Will you be joining us for dinner?" Thea asked him.

He nodded. "Yes. Your mother invited me. I hope that's alright, I wouldn't want to intrude." His gaze met Felicity's and she realized he was asking her for her permission. He must have been quite aware that this was supposed to be their little family dinner that he was technically crashing, but she couldn't really say she minded. Walter seemed like a mind alike her own, and she would never say no to an intelligent conversation. Not that Moira and Thea weren't intelligent. Gosh, how did she even manage to ramble in her own thoughts, geez.

"Of course! The more the merrier." Felicity smiled. "I heard Raisa has prepared her famous Beef Stroganoff?"


	3. Thousand Miles

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: THOUSAND MILES**

_Too far away to feel you_  
_But I can't forget your skin_  
_Wonder what you're up to_  
_What state of mind you're in_  
_Are you thinking 'bout the last time_  
_Your lips all over me_  
_'Cause I'd play it in a rewind_  
_Where you are I wanna be_

_Wanna fly to you like birds do_  
_Straight across the world_  
_My body, your hands move_  
_And I'm missing every word_  
_You are mine, yeah you say so_  
_When you call me late nights_  
_But I wonder how should I know_  
_You're in love enough to fight_

_Fading away, when you're drunk and alone_  
_Can't see my face in your heart anymore_  
_Telling yourself you don't feel like before_

_And that's when I run_  
_All of these thousand miles_  
_That's when I run_  
_All of these thousand miles_  
_To get you back_  
_Coming for you, babe, I'm coming now_  
_That's when I run_  
_All of these thousand miles_  
_To get you back_

All he could think about was running, and how he needed to be faster to have a chance at escaping from the ARGUS agents chasing him. He was breathing heavily, the sun burning on his skin, beads of sweat dripping down his back and forehead, but he couldn't give in now, he had to do everything he could to get away from Waller's man. Pushing his body to its limits was the least of his concerns. He ducked for some lanterns and just managed to dodge a group of tourists and their guide. He ran through the crowd as fast as he could, never looking back, instead on the search for an out. In his hurry he managed to snatch a man's cellphone, but he was unsure what to do with it. Ducking into an alley he managed to dial his mother's phone number but the man chasing him caught him and shot the cellphone from his hands from at least twenty feet away. Oliver had to admit, he had wicked good aim, but he didn't have time to revel in the man's talents and so he sprinted away again. Luckily, he'd always been a runner.

Hurdling a stack of boxes, he managed to put some distance between him and his pursuer. Oliver looked over his shoulder, relieved when he didn't see Waller's man but in doing so, he knocked over a merchant and his stand of sunglasses. There was a lot of yelling, but he honestly couldn't care less. He came to a stop on a busy intersection, glancing around, looking for an escape. That's when he saw it. An internet café. A spark of hope ignited deep inside of him as he ran across the busy street toward the ratty looking building.

He crashed inside, uncaring of the looks and stares thrown his way. He threw a guy off his chair and worked as fast as he could to get into his email account.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon." He cursed under his breath as the browser was loading his account.

For a split second, he noticed all the unread e-mails, recognizing some of the names -her name- and the tiny dot turning green that indicated that he was online before he snapped his attention back to the current situation. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure he was still safe, he opened a new e-mail, selected his mother's email address and started typing.

He didn't get to finish. There was a lot of yelling and from the corner of his eye he saw the guy on the computer across from him run out of his chair. Oliver stilled as panic rose within him. Waller's man had caught up with him and gunned down the monitor from the door opening.

She froze completely when she saw the green dot popping up on her screen. Her fingers stilled over her keyboard and she completely forgot what she was just about to type. This couldn't be true. No, she wouldn't believe it. It was her mind playing cruel tricks on her. He couldn't. No. She chastised herself and swiveled around in her desk chair to force herself to look away from that tiny green dot. Oliver Queen was dead. There was no way dead men would access their email accounts. It was probably just some PR person removing the account or maybe a random hacker, trying to have some fun. A terrible hacker, that was, because she could have hacked into that account without having triggered the account alert in her sleep. She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and squeezed her hand into a fist to stop it from fidgeting. She could just take a peek to make sure. There was no harm in that, right? Wrong.

What she found took her breath away.

A automatically drafted email with one and a half finished sentence.

**Mom, I'm alive. I'm in Hong Ko** It read.

No. No, no, no, no, no. Felicity closed her eyes, willing the drafted e-mail away. Taking off her glasses, she started rubbing her fingers against her temples in an attempt to ease the growing headache. She was gonna figure this. She would find out if Oliver, her best friend, the man she loved was still alive and she was gonna bring him home. Her fingers moved to her keyboard and didn't stop until she found the answer.

The elevator doors dinged and slid open. Felicity took a deep breath and walked out into the hallway, her heels clicking against the marble floor. She walked up to Walter's assistant's desk. Lucy, she thought her name was. She was nice.

"Ah! Miss Merlyn." She said, a warm smile on her face.

"Mr. Steele just asked me to call for you."

Felicity's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why?"

Lucy smiled. "I'm not sure, but you shouldn't worry. He only ever has praise for you. I doubt what he wants to discuss is anything but positive."

Felicity looked down at the clipboard she was holding, clutching it a little tighter to her chest and smiled softly. "Thanks."

"Go on, dear. You can go right in." Lucy said.

Taking a deep breath, Felicity nodded and walked towards the glass door leading into the ornate executive office. Walter's chair was facing the window. He was on the phone in what sounded like Japanese. Felicity shifted her weight between her feet as she waited, occasionally glancing down at her clipboard, tracing the tip of her index-finger along the letters of the e-mail she'd printed out.

**Mom, I'm alive. I'm in Hong Ko **The words were already haunting her, laughing at her, mocking her like she was going crazy. She blinked a couple times and snapped out of her daze to realize Walter had hung up the phone and was looking at her expectantly.

"Felicity? Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

She let out a huff of air and shook her head. "Oh…uhm, I'm fine. Sorry, I just zoned out there for a bit."

She stepped closer to Walter's desk. "Why did you want to see me?"

"Ah, yes. I've got quite exciting news. You see, I want you to 'interview' for the position of Junior Marketing Executive. The position just opened up and I think you'd be a wonderful fit. If that goes how I imagine it will go, I want you to come to Las Vegas with me to oversee the management in our new QC branch there, so I can teach you a few tricks of the trade."

Felicity's eyebrows knitted together. "I.. I feel honored, but I really can't."

"Why not?"

She shrugged "Well, first of all, I don't have a business degree and I don't know the first thing about marketing. I really don't think that would be a smart move for a company like Queen Consolidated."

Walter smiled and put a hand on her shoulder. "Felicity, you are probably the brightest young woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You are not only smart, but creative and you know your way around a computer. You don't have to worry about not being qualified enough."

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "And second. I'm gonna need a few days off. That was actually why I was coming to see you."

Walter frowned. "And why is that, if I might ask."

Felicity didn't say anything but instead handed him the e-mail she had printed out.

"What's this?" He asked, eyes raking over the piece of paper. And then he froze. Felicity tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and waited, allowing the new information to sink in for a moment. Walter's hands started shaking and he staggered back, falling against his desk. He leaned into it for support and looked at her questioningly, worry and pain and so much confusion and disbelief in his eyes.

"Everything checks out. No signs of intrusion and no digital footsteps left behind. I traced the IP-address back to Hong Kong." She said quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

Walter looked back down to the paper, checking if it was all still there and this wasn't some crazy hallucination."And you wanna go find him?"

She nodded, pressing her lips into a firm line. Sighing, Walter put his hands on his desk on either side of him and studied her face.

He put a hand on her shoulder "Felicity, are you sure about this? Moira cares a lot for you, and so do I, but she would kill me if I let something happen to you. Or worse, divorce me."

She smiled softly.

"I have never been more sure about anything." She said, squaring her shoulders and straightening her back.

"I can't actually tell you no, right?" Walter asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

Felicity smiled a little. "Nope. You do that and I'll quit."

Walter released a deep sigh and nodded. "Alright. Take however long you need to find him and bring him home."

"Thank you." Felicity said.

"But I really do wish you'd reconsider the position. It'll still be here when you get back."

She smiled and shook her head. "Thank you, I really appreciate the offer, but I prefer my place in IT…" She paused for a second, eyes squinting a little. "… Actually, I might know someone better suited for the job, literally, cause he wears a suit most days nowadays."

She chuckled at her own joke and then shook her head to get herself to focus. Walter chuckled, long accustomed to Felicity's antics. He found it quite amusing and endearing.

"I mean…He just quit his job at Merlyn Global. He was in marketing there too, but we both know my dad isn't the world's greatest boss. Anyways, I think he'd be perfect for the job. And for Vegas too. He grew up there, so he won't get caught up in gambling or anything."

Walter chuckled. "Alright, what's the man's name?"

"Oh! Right! Tommy Smoak. Harvard graduate. I'll send you his contact information. Gotta go pack for Hong Kong." Felicity said smiling, almost skipping out of Walter's office.

"Felicity!" He called out after her.

She turned on her heel. "Yes?"

"Be careful, dear."

Felicity smiled softly and nodded. "I will. But maybe don't tell Moira and Thea about this? I don't want to give them false hope."

Walter nodded. "Good luck."

Taking a deep breath, Felicity nodded and smiled again, turning on her heel. Pushing through the glass door, she smiled at Lucy and headed towards the elevator. She was gonna find Oliver and she was gonna get him home.

Reluctantly, Oliver stepped out on the rooftop. He knew he was acting like a stubborn teenager and he didn't care. Crossing his arms over his chest he followed Maseo to the edge of the roof.

"We'll take our position here." Maseo said, putting the case he had brought on the edge of the roof, opening it up to reveal a sniper-rifle.

"Who's your target?" He asked as the other man started unpacking the gun, assembling it like it was the most normal thin in the entire universe.

"I don't have a target. You do." Maseo said calmly.

Oliver eyebrows flew up into his hair. "What?!"

"It might have escaped your notice, but Amanda Waller doesn't have a sense of humor."

"Oh! Really?! Then why'd she drag me off of Lian Yu and bring me all the way to Hong Kong to become her hit-man?!"

"To become her operative. Obviously she needs you for something or she wouldn't be threatening my family to assure your compliance."

Oliver looked away, grinding his teeth.

"The target will be entering our line any moment."

Groaning, Oliver took the rifle from him. "Damnit." He muttered under his breath as he placed the gun on the edge of the roof and positioned himself so he could peer through the scope.

"The target will walk ten paces through the roof garden and arrive at her hotel suite."

Oliver jerked his head up at Maseo. "Her?"

"Yes. Now focus. That's your only window."

Letting out a huff of air, Oliver shook his head and looked through the scope again. He counted three people. Two hotel staff members, carrying luggage and a blonde, with a ponytail in her hair. He pushed back the memories that flooded his mind, trying to stay focused on the job, but the images of a laughing Felicity's laughing face, her smile and her beautiful blonde hair were making it hard for him to concentrate.

"I see it." He said, aiming the gun at her head.

"Now." Maseo said.

Oliver's finger tightened on the trigger, just when his target turned around in her high heels, glancing around at the tall buildings surrounding her, glasses perched on her nose and that all too familiar smile on her face. Holy crap. This could not be real. Oliver felt dizzy, his grip on the rifle slipping, his aim wandering.

"Felicity?!" Oliver exclaimed, unknowingly clenching his fist and firing the rifle, completely missing its target, thank god.

The bullet shattered a window, Felicity's head whipping around to see the damage before turning back around and immediately spotting them on the rooftop. She moved almost too fast for Oliver to see, he was pretty much frozen in place, but she pulled an actual gun from her purse and started firing in his direction.

"What the…" Was all Oliver could say before the bullet grazed his arm and Maseo pulled him down. His head was spinning. What the hell had happened to the girl who wouldn't hurt a fly. He clearly hadn't been the only one that had changed over the last two years.

"No, dad. I'm not coming back."

"You have a life and responsibilities here in Starling."

"You still don't get it, do you? You just can't understand that you're not the center of the entire universe, that someoneelse might be more important to me than you."

"You got shot at yesterday!"

"I told you. I'm fine. You taught me how to protect myself, and I did. I think I might have hit the guy, actually." She couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from her lips.

Malcolm sighed."Felicity, listen to me, you're pressing pause on your entire life based on false hope. We both know how heartbroken you will be if you don't find are you doing this to yourself?"

"Because. If there's a slight chance my best friend is still alive, then I'm going to find him and bring him home."

"Oh please. I know how you felt about him."

"It doesn't matter how I feel about him."

"Did you really think that relationship was gonna last? Oliver wasn't a good guy, Felicity. I thought you were smarter than to fall for his playboy charms. He was only using you like he did all the other girls."

"His life might be at stake here and I'm not going to sit back and wait for him to die a second time."

"You know what? Screw you. What Oliver and I had was real and I'm not gonna let you get into my head. You know nothing about love or putting someone else's needs before your own. You left me, alone and scared after mom died, to go God knows where. I needed you then more than I need you know so why don't you just go back to banging your Pilates instructor and leave me alone."

She ended the call with an angry grunt and sent her phone flying across the hotel room. Running a hand over her hair she took a deep breath and leaned against a pillar, looking out over the busy streets of Hong Kong.

Oliver hated having to do this to her, but considering it was this or a bullet in her head, he didn't think he had much of a choice. Swallowing back the lump in his throat that had formed while he was listening in on her conversation with her father, he took a steadying breath and pulled the face-mask up over his nose.

He pushed away from the wall he was hiding behind and sneaked up on her as quietly as he could. Like Lian Yu had needed him to be, as Slade had taught him to be. She was like the innocent, unsuspecting prey to his lurking predator.

The hand holding the cloth covered in chloroform twitched as he got closer to her and in the next moment, he grabbed her around her waist and pressed it against her mouth. She struggled, he knew she would. She grabbed the hand covering her mouth and dug into the pressure points, causing his hold on her to slip as he winced in pain. She kicked him in the shins and turned away from his grasp, turning his arm around with him, sending him to his knees. He yelped in pain of the strain forced onto the muscles in his arm. He saw a hint of a wicked gleam in her eyes. Of course she was enjoying this. God, she looked so hot with that little smirk. But, even though it seemed like he was losing this battle, Oliver knew she had only a little time left before the chloroform started kicking in. He just needed to stall her, and preferably get her to inhale a little more of the chemical.

She was backing away from him only to come at him with the force of her run-up. He stood up just in time and caught her fist mid-air. She struck out again, this time with her other arm, but he quickly deflected it. They engaged in a one-sided fight. She kept attacking, although slower and slower as she began to feel the drowsiness the chloroform caused. He never attacked her cause he didn't want her to get hurt. He pulled his punches where instinct kicked in and when she put all the force she had left into a roundhouse kick. Oliver dodged it and watched her knees buckle underneath her. He caught her just before she could hit the floor. Pulling the facemask down, he sighed softly and adjusting his hold on her so he could hold her up with one brushed the mop of blond hair away from her face with his free hand, fingers trailing along the side of her face. He figured this moment might have been his only chance to really be near her. He cupped her cheek and leaned down to press a kiss on her forehead. Taking off her glasses as a precaution, he hauled her up in his arms, bridal style, and carried her out of the room, down the maintenance stairs and out the backdoor of the hotel to where Maseo was waiting with the car. He made it clear in his expression that he didn't like this and sat wordlessly in the backseat of the car with Felicity in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder.

"You clearly care for her. Don't let that cloud your mind, let it make you strong. To let her live, you must not reveal yourself. I hope you'll make the right decision." Maseo said as they pulled into the parking lot of the abandoned warehouse Felicity was being fake kidnapped to.

Everything was black when she woke up, and hot. Or at least, her head was. Her toes were freezing and her legs shivering. She could feel the goose bumps forming on her arms. speaking about her arms, they were tied behind her back, the strain pulling on her muscles. she started breathing heavily as she recalled the last thing she remembered. She had been taken.

Suddenly the blackness was gone replaced by bright light shining in her face causing her to squint against the sudden brightness.

"Felicity Merlyn." a low, distorted voice said tauntingly.

"How do you know my name?"

"Oh everybody knows your name sweetheart. Daughter of the CEO of Merlyn Global."

"What do you want from me?!" she yelled at the darkness. she couldn't see the person but she knew the general direction he or she might be. Right in front of her, behind the lamp shining in her eyes. Without her glasses, she shouldn't even be trying to see a face, but here she was, tied up, staring into general nothingness, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as she tried desperately to get some ID on her attacker. It was no use, the light would blind her before she could see a face.

"You're here looking for Oliver Queen." the voice said and she frowned

"How do you know that?" she asked quietly, stunned.

"A simple hack into his e-mail account and I knew someone would come looking for him."

"I had expected his mother, or his sister. But you. You are going to make me very rich, darling."

"Whatever you're asking I can assure you my father won't give it you. He'd rather let his daughter die."

"Oh I really doubt that. And I sinceriously hope you won't get to find out."

"You just made that up. That's not actually a word."

He kept quiet, so she continued.

"Sinceriously. I doubt it's in the Oxford dictionary. You should've said sincerely. Or seriously. both are good."

Oliver had trouble hiding the smirk that was splayed across his face. He knew she was fishing for answers, trying to get a response from him. Sinceriously was their word. Oliver had blurted it out once at a party when he had had a few drinks and it had stuck. Felicity would always remind him it wasn't actually a word. She was testing him. He always managed to underestimate how smart she actually was. But he wouldn't fall for it.

"That's what you're focusing on right now?"

"Better than the impending death. And who knows, maybe I'll melt your heart."

Oh she already had and she had no idea. He was full-blown smiling now. This girl. Gosh, she sure was something special. A force to be reckoned with. And how he loved her so.

That was when they heard the sirens and Oliver knew he only had seconds left with her. He heard Maseo shouting and he made the fastest and possibly stupidest decision he had ever made.

"I'll get it in the dictionary." He fell for it as fast as he fell for her.

And then he was gone, leaving behind a wide eyed Felicity. Pulling at her ties as Maseo, dressed as a police officer, came to her rescue. He cursed at himself for being such a dumbass, but he couldn't help it. The flicker of recognition in her eyes made it all worth it. She knew he was alive. Or maybe just suspected it, and that just made him want to get home to her even more.

Felicity put the bottle to her lips and took a big gulp of red wine. She was back in Starling City, had been for a few weeks now and currently sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table in Laurel's apartment. Ever since Oliver and Sara went on the Gambit, that's what they called it, their little get-togethers had become a bi-monthly thing. They could rant, drink, grieve and cry without anyone judging. Felicity looked at Tommy as he was smiling at Laurel. She was pouring him a drink, but something seemed off. Not off, as in wrong, but different.

"You two slept together, didn't you?" She said,narrowing her eyes.

Laurel's eyes went wide and she jerked her head up at Tommy. He pursed his lips and swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Maybe." He said, earning an elbow in the ribs from Laurel.

"You said we weren't gonna tell anyone until we figured things out."

"Laurel, it's _Felicity_. She was gonna figure it out anyway, whether we would tell her already or not."

"That is very true. I just did, actually." Felicity shrugged, taking another sip of wine.

"God, I love red wine." She murmured at the bottle. The alcohol was kicking in already. Good. She was going to need it.

Laurel sighed an nodded. "Alright, but that's all you need to know."

"But you guys are a couple, right?"

Neither said anything.

"Oh come on! Tommy has been pining over you for as long as I've known him. That's three years, Laurel. And probably even longer because he may have told me he liked you at the funeral."

"Felicity!" Tommy said sternly.

"What?! You wanna be her boyfriend or not?"

Tommy swallowed and looked down at his feet.

"Is that true?" Laurel asked, sweet smile on her face. She was definitely amused.

"Maybe…probably…Yeah…" Tommy said. Was he blushing?

Laurel kissed him. Arms wrapping around Tommy's neck. It took him a second to realize what was happening but he quickly responded by pulling her on his lap, hands on her back as he pulled her against him.

"Really, guys? Now is really not the time to have sex. I need to vent." Felicity complained, taking another sip from the bottle of wine.

She didn't know how much she was going to tell them about her trip to Hong Kong. That she didn't find Oliver. Yes. That she got kidnapped and suspected her kidnapper had actually been Oliver. Probably not.


	4. Align

**_CHAPTER NINETEEN: ALIGN_**

_Coming up to see, to see what I can find_  
_'Cause I've been asleep and I've lost my mind_  
_Waiting for you_

_Like you lost your home and the shelter's gone_  
_You're stuck in the storm outside_  
_Feels like you've gone blind and you can't see life_  
_But it's right before your eyes_

_The world keeps on turning_  
_But we've stopped both on different sides_  
_Our hearts keep on loving_  
_It's only a matter of space and time_  
_Till we align_

_Coming up to breathe 'cause I've been a long way down_  
_'Cause when we both leave, there's words I can't find_  
_As I watch you go_

_Like you lost your home and the shelter's gone_  
_And you're stuck in the storm outside_  
_Feels like you've gone blind and you can't see life_  
_But it's right before your eyes_

_Spinning 'round, lose control, lost my mind_  
_I don't know when I'll see you again_

* * *

If there was one place in the entire world where he should not have been, it was hiding in the bushes in the garden of the home he grew up in. He watched as Thea emerged from the far off mansion, walking in the middle of the clearing towards the headstones in the yard. She bent down to brush some leaves off the moulding before standing up, crossing her arms as she looked down at them.

Even though the headstones hadn't been there before, Oliver understood what they were for. One for him. One for his father. Taking a deep breath, Oliver choked back the emotions that flooded him as Thea swallowed thickly, and her mouth opened.

"Hey Ollie. Dad."

She couldn't be older than thirteen, fourteen maybe. He had lost track of everything, in his time away. The minutes turned into hours—hours into days. Days into week. Before long, it was too hard to try to remember. But with the soft snow tumbling around them, it had to be just after the new year. He could see Thea's nose was slightly red, even from a distance. Even when she was younger it did that.

"I got in trouble at school again today." She let out a breathy laugh, wiping her nose and running her hand nervously in her hair in one motion, before her arms crossed in front of her chest again, "What's new, right?"

Her voice was sad, breaking through the gray snowy world around them. The light she had always had when she was younger—the playfulness; the joy—it was gone. Burnt out.

Oliver ached to go to her, make that light return somehow. Make the Thea he knew bubble back to the surface—but he couldn't. And that hurt more than anything, sparking tears in his eyes as he stood back, wishing he could just stand next to her and be her brother.

Thea sighed from where she stood, shaking her head slightly as though she wasn't surprised by the words coming out of her mouth.

"The principal said I might have some anger issues. I think he's right," Thea bit her lip, "I went to the office to talk to mom but she was busy with Walter."

She scoffed and shook her head, looking up at the sky for a moment. "Which seems to be all she does lately. But she's happier, I guess. So I'll cope."

The sound of footsteps in the snow and people approaching made him duck farther into the bushes. His heart fluttered when he saw the streak of blonde hair, a familiar sleek curtain of gold silk brushing past her shoulders. Her cheeks were flushed almost as pink as Thea's nose, and her eyes hidden behind the oh so familiar frames. She smiled at the man next to her that Oliver recognized vaguely, but he couldn't put a name to. Her hand was comfortably in the crook of his elbow as they walked towards Thea.

A pang of hurt went through Oliver's chest and the way her body brushed against the other man's before he could stop himself- He had no right to be jealous. He was supposed to be _dead_. Felicity was allowed to be happy without him. Hell, he had even hoped over the years that she could be happy without him. And if that was with a new man, with Tommy Smoak, Oliver realized, he was going to be happy for them, for her.

All he wanted was for her to be happy.

Oliver was so lost in thought that he missed about half of the conversation the people he was watching were having. Thea's shout snapped his attention back to reality.

"You are not my brother, Tommy! And Felicity is not my sister! So stop acting like it and _leave me alone._"

"Thea, please." Felicity spoke softly, taking a step towards the girl, "We're just worried about you."

"Well stop! I'm fine! I'm wonderful! Spec-fucking-tacular! I'd be even better if you could just go back to being my _friend_ instead of my _mother."_

She stalked off, leaving a stunned Felicity behind. She sighed and ran a hand over her hair and Oliver saw the tears glisten her eyes through her lenses as she looked after Thea, devastation obvious on her features.

"I don't know what to do Tommy," Felicity said, voice cracking, "She's in so much pain and I don't know how to help her. I don't know how to help anyone-"

Tommy tugged on her arm as a sob worked its way up her throat and pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss into her hair.

"I know. But she's strong," Tommy said, lips in her hair, "She will get through this, I promise. We all will. The only thing you can do for her is be there if she needs you. Let her come to you."

She lifted her head from where it was burrowed in Tommy's chest, looking out onto the lawn. Her lips lifted in a soft smile, making Oliver's heart ache.

"I wish he was here." She said in a sigh.

Was she talking about him? Oliver's eyes widened as he followed her gaze—she was looking at the headstone. _His_ headstone. Tommy nodded and squeezed her hand.

"I know." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, stroking his hand up and down her arm.

While that hurt-the thought of her moving on—hurt so much his stomach felt heavy, it was a relief.

Oliver so desperately wanted to comfort her in that moment. To just be with her. It was insane and stupid and he knew he couldn't but the thought of holding her in his arms, being the one to kiss her and talk into her hair, made him more curious than was safe for anybody. It would risk more lives that it would save.

But the longing was still there, stronger than ever. On the island it was easy to push thoughts of her away—but in Hong Kong when she had showed up looking for him, determined, everything he had tried to forget came back. It took all of his willpower not to keep her at his side then, but that was selfish, and if there was one thing that had changed about him since he had left Starling it was understanding how his actions affected others. So he settled for that small sighting, using it as the goodbye he had never gotten. Granted, she had been unconscious and he was her 'kidnapper' but it was better than nothing.

But when they had sent him to Starling City on a mission, it was too close not to check up on Thea.

If Waller would find out he had sought her out, he knew it would only end in death. For both Oliver and the people he loved.

The sadness in Felicity's eyes was haunting, but it was different than the emptiness in Thea's. Maybe it was the soft smile on her lips, or the way she was looking at the headstone like it was a monument rather than an empty grave, but he could tell she was getting past this better than Thea. She had hope, although he wasn't sure what for. She had somebody by her side. She, in time, would move on.

She seemed as happy as he could hope under the circumstances and he wasn't going to ruin it. He didn't think she had figured out it was him that kidnapped her in Hong Kong, but she was definitely smart enough to find out if he left any traces of himself.

It was that and only that, that gave him the willpower to turn around and walk away from the home of everyone he had ever loved.

* * *

Sneaking into Queen Consolidated later that night was easier than expected. Maseo had disabled the security camera's on the executive floors and now it was up to Oliver to get the intel they needed. His eyes fell on the date displayed by the planner that was lying on the desk as he was scanning his surroundings. February 1st. He smiled a little at the thought of February 2nd but didn't have time to wallow with Maseo yelling in his ear. Everything went according to plan until he saw a file on his father's computer—a file for _him._

His instincts screamed at him to get the hell out of that office and yet, there he was, trying foolishly risking his cover to copy the file. Maseo was yelling at him over the comm they had set up that someone was coming. Pulling the usb-drive out of the computer he ducked into the conference room at the last possible second, hiding in the shadows as a petite blonde pushed through the large glass doors of the office. She walked around the desk, dropping some files in the center and his breathe froze in his lungs.

Oh, no.

It was her. Felicity. _His _Felicity.

She smiled at the old picture of him and his father that was sitting, framed, on the desk.

"I miss you." She whispered, tracing her index-finger over the edge of the frame. Her eyes closed, as though trying to recall a memory. She smiled slightly, "If I could just have one more moment—"

His control snapped, and before he knew it he was ripping the comm with a screaming Maseo from his ear, stepping from the shadows.

Even as he did it, he knew it was stupid. Reckless. Selfish. Insane. But he couldn't stop himself—he could smell her perfume just faintly and found his hand clamped around her mouth so she couldn't scream, pulling her with him. She lashed out and tried to yell, but all that came out were muffled grunts. He turned her around in his grasp, trying to be gentle and pressing her back against the wall.

Felicity struggled against his hold a long moment still and he pressed his body into hers, ignoring the friction it created, to hold her down. He could see the tears forming in her eyes as she whimpered against his hand. He raised a finger to his lips to tell her to be quiet, but she still didn't recognize him.

"Hey heyhey, shhh," He whispered, pressing his finger against his lips more urgently and doing the one thing he could think of to do. He pushed his hood off of his head and took of the Starling Rockets cap, "Please Felicity, it's okay. You're okay."

Felicity froze completely, her hands tightening on his shoulders before falling limply to her sides. Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes as they roamed over his face, taking in every little detail, making sure that it was really him. He slid his hand slowly away from her mouth, making sure she stayed quiet, but she was frozen, breathing heavily as her eyes flickered between his.

He cupped her cheek carefully, needing the contact and tucked her hair behind her ear. Her eyes were disbelief, and he traced slow circles over her cheekbone, watching as the touch calmed her.

She hummed a little after a moment as his finger brushed the soft skin under her ear, leaning into his touch as she bit her lip, tears spilling silently down her cheeks.. He reached up with his other hand, gently cradling her face like he worried she would break if he wasn't careful. Felicity sniffled, closing her eyes and letting him wipe away her tears. Her hands reached for his wrists, her thumbs searching for reassurance that he was really here. And alive. Something to make sure her eyes weren't playing some sick joke on her.

"Oliver." She finally breathed, hands moving up his arms, over his shoulders, fingers gently tracing over his features, brushing the long hair out of his eyes. Her gaze never wavered, pale blue orbs staring into his own, "You're alive." Her voice was broken, barely above a whisper.

"I'm alive," He echoed slowly. She stared at him another long moment, before a smile twitched on her face, her eyes lighting up in a way that he hadn't realized was lacking until that moment.

She looked alive again—she was back. Felicity. _His _Felicity.

"I knew it," She grinned, "I knew you'd never leave me."

And then her arms were around him and he could finally hold her, his arms banding about her tiny waist, nose buried in her golden tresses.

"I missed you so much." He whispered, fingers gently massaging the back of head.

"How are you even here?" She pulled out of the hug a little so she could look at him, a hand glued to his stubbly cheek. Her eyes were roaming over his face, taking in every little detail, making sure she would never forget.

Oliver thought about that for a second. "It's a long story."

She sighed, "Right. Of course. Because you were basically dead for over two years. I'm sure it's a long story. Why bother telling it?" She spoke in quick, disbelieving sentences and Oliver felt the hurt flash through her anger, a wave of sorrow running through him.

"Fe-li-ci-ty..." He said, dragging out her name, punctuating each syllable in agony, "I'm sorry, I can't tell you right now. Please—just, I need you to understand—I can't stay long," he trailed off, his voice cracking slightly.

When her smile fell completely from her face, his heart broke just a little more, but he could see she understood. She always had.

"Will I see you again?" she asked, looking at his chest instead of his gaze, trying to ease her disappointment.

"Well, rumor has it, it's someone's birthday tomorrow. And you know how much I love cake," He said softly.

Her eyes flashed back to his as a smile lit up her entire face. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest. She took a deep breath. He still smelled the same, sort of. He didn't have the smell of the cologne he used to wear but it was still so Oliver, just a little more musky. She couldn't say she didn't like it. His fingers carded through her hair.

"I have to go. I will see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Promise me?"

"Promise." He said, looking into her eyes as his hands came up to cup her face. He couldn't stop touching her. She was his kryptonite and he knew it.

"You know where I live. Or well, where my dad lives, cause I kinda had to move back in with him, but that's not important right now."

He smiled softly as she babbled, silencing her with a hand on her cheek. She smiled back at him and took a deep breath as he started backing away. Walking backwards he watched her swift intake of breath as she leaned against the wall. He turned on his heel, making his way across the hall when she called out his name.

"Oliver, wait!" Spinning, he was met with the force of her body slamming into his own, her arms wrapping around him and a second later, her lips pressed to his.

It took him a second to process what was happening, but he didn't object. He should have, Felicity was with someone else, and he didn't want to make her a cheater but the familiar feel of her soft plump lips against his broke the dam that he used to keep his feelings in check. His arm snaked around her waist as he started responding to her kiss, his lips moving over hers, his free hand diving into her hair. She moaned against him, finger tracing down his jaw. He didn't know why, but it was incredibly hot. He leaned her back a little, almost dipping her as his tongue met hers. He couldn't help the guttural moan that vibrated through the sudden thickness of the air surrounding them. The heated passion slowly came to a stop, and they stood together for a while, breathing each other in, foreheads touching.

"I missed the sound of you saying my name." She whispered before reaching for the pink clipboard that had fallen on the marble floor when he had hauled her into the dark and walking over to the elevator. She winked at him before stepping inside the cart as he stood there, staring at her in utter disbelief, pupils blown wide.

When she was gone, he started smiling, his hand hovering over his lips. Oh man, he was in so much trouble.

* * *

Felicity was nervous. She kept fidgeting fiddling with her necklace, the necklace Oliver gave her five years before that exact day. The necklace that she had worn every day since. She wondered if he remembered the moment as vividly as she did.

She was about to make her grand entrance at her 21st birthday party but she couldn't stop thinking of Oliver. After all, it wasn't every day you found out the love of your life was still alive when you thought they had drowned almost three years earlier. True, she had suspected he'd been alive when she'd ventured to Hong Kong, but her suspicions hadn't been confirmed until yesterday, when he'd pulled her aside at Queen Consolidated.

She kept imagining where he'd been all those years. Had he washed up on an island somewhere? Had someone scooped him up out of the ocean? Had they been able to get on a life raft? Sara and Robert too? Had they drowned or made it to shore as well or had Oliver been all alone? Her mind flooded with questions she wasn't sure she was ready to hear the answers to. All she wanted right now was to hold him (and never let go even though she knew that wasn't possible). She took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror one last time. She tossed her curls over her shoulder and walked out of her bedroom.

She was halfway down the stairs when Tommy spotted her. He made a point of her arrival, gesturing to her so grand her cheeks heated under the attention.

"Hey everybody! Birthday girl is here!" Tommy yelled at the top of his lungs, reaching out a hand for her to take. The people went wild and she smiled as she lifted the skirt dress and let Tommy lead her down the rest of the steps. A couple of people pulled her into hugs or kissed her cheek to congratulate her although she knew most of them were there for the free booze and to be able to tell their friends they attended a Merlyn party, but that didn't matter. Tommy kissed her on the cheek, wishing her a happy birthday, holding out his arm for her to wrap her hand around.

On Tommy's arm, she made her way to the crowd to where Laurel and Charlotte were standing at the bar, both smiling. Abandoning her drink on the bar, Charlotte skipped over to her and enveloped her in a hug. Felicity staggered back a little, laughing as she wrapped her arms around her best friend. It had been so long since they had seen each other.

"Happy birthday, sweetie!" She yelled over the music.

"I thought you weren't going to make it!" Felicity squealed in surprise.

"I wasn't going to miss your twenty first birthday now was I?" Charlotte laughed.

Felicity pulled her into another hug before leaning back, looking to Laurel who handed her a drink and pulled her in for a quick hug as well.

"Happy birthday, Felicity." She said.

"Thank you, Laurel," she beamed, "Are you guys having a good time?"

"Yes! Now that we actually get to celebrate _with_ you!" Charlotte laughed.

"Good! That's good. Having fun is important." Felicity said absentmindedly. She was scanning the room, craning her neck to maybe possible catch a glimpse of Oliver. It was nearly eleven, and she still hadn't heard from him. She knew she should be patient, but damn her if she wasn't at least worrying about him. And worried that the day before at the office had all been a dream or a cruel trick of her imagination.

"Are you okay?" Charlotte asked, concern in her voice as she watched Felicity's wandering gaze.

Felicity hadn't noticed Charlotte's hand on her arm. "Yes. Sorry, just zoned out there for a little bit."

"Shall we go dance? I'm in the mood to dance." Charlotte asked, smiling brightly.

"Finally! Someone with a good idea!" Tommy exclaimed. "I've been dying to show off my wicked new moves." He shimmied with his shoulders and quickly downed the last of whatever he was drinking.

"Keep dreaming, Smoak." Laurel laughed. Tommy grabbed her hand and spun her into his arms, her back pressed to his chest. With a hand on her waist, he swayed their hips in sync with the beat of the music. Laurel giggled and turned her head to kiss him.

"Get a room." Charlotte yelled over the music. She put her arm through Felicity's and pulled her towards the dancefloor. Laughing, Felicity pulled her straw from between her lips, putting her glass back on the bar just before it was out of reach.

They danced for a good forty five minutes. Felicity was glad that she could really let loose for a moment, throwing her head back, swinging her hair and singing along to the music. That was until things started going south.

"Oh no." Felicity sighed, peering over Tommy's shoulder. Thea was dancing wildly, surrounded by boys way too old for her, drink in hand. Felicity held her breath as one of the guys approached the young Queen and snaked his arms around her tiny waist. True, Thea looked a lot older than she actually was, but she was just fourteen. She pushed him away, but he was insistent. She yelled something at him that Felicity couldn't hear and he grabbed her arm. She stumbled backwards in her high heels and when he wouldn't let go of her, she threw her drink (probably something alcoholic) in his face.

"Go get Stephen and David please." Felicity said to Tommy, who was watching the exchange with her. He didn't say anything, just nodded, heading towards the direction of the front door to get the security staff who were acting as bouncers tonight. Felicity pushed her way through the crowd, heading towards Mr. Handsy. He roared in anger and was about to do something really stupid until Felicity caught his raised arm.

"Hey! Get your hands off of her!" Felicity yelled, gripping his arm hard.

He jerked away from her, but she wouldn't let go that easily.

"Get off of me, you bitch!" He yelled in his drunken stupor, shooting Felicity a raging look.

Felicity sighed and shook her head. "That really wasn't smart to say."

She said it more to herself than to Thea's assailant. She smiled to herself and twisted the guy's arm behind his back, painfully straining the muscles and swiftly kicking the hollow of his knee so he fell to the floor.

"You realize that this is my party right?! I hope that you also realize that you are no longer welcome here. I will ruin you if I ever see your disgusting hands on someone without their consent ever again." She muttered in his ear as the bouncers made their way through the crowd. With a final shove, the guy fell to ground. She gestured to the bouncers to take him away and took a deep breath to collect herself. People were staring at her, but she didn't really care. Thea's safety was more important. Felicity glanced over to where the girl was standing, slumped against a pillar, shaking violently. There were tears streaming down her face. Felicity walked over to her, reaching out to comfort her.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" She asked, her hands moving from Thea's head to her shoulders, trying to inspect her. Thea just shook her head and stumbled forward into Felicity's arms.

"Thank you." She murmured. "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to let go for a minute and I had a few drinks…I didn't want.."

Thea wobbled in her heels, face going pale. "Ohh…I don't feel good."

"I'll take her home." Tommy said, walking up to the two of them. He put his jacket around Thea's shoulders as she whined in protest.

"Nooo... I don't wanna go," She pouted, "I'll just go throw up and I'll be fine."

"Oh no, you're going home." Felicity chastised.

Thea groaned and looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry for ruining your party and for yelling at you earlier. That was uncalled for," She said apologetically.

"Oh sweetie..." Felicity sighed at the shame in Thea's eyes, pulled her in for a hug. "You didn't ruin my party at all. And I'm _here_ for you to yell at me. I mean, who else can you explode at and know everything will be okay?" That earned a weak smile from Thea, and Felicity rubbed her arm, "Just go home and get some rest, alright? It's been an exhausting week."

Thea nodded. "Okay. Thanks Lis," She smiled a little, kissing Felicity quickly on the cheek, "Oh, and Happy Birthday."

Felicity laughed lightly at the notion, "Thank you, Thea."

Tommy put his hands on Thea's shoulders. "C'mon, let's get you home."

"Alright, alright." She sighed, rolling her eyes.

Felicity caught Tommy by the elbow just before he stepped out of reach.

"Thank you." She mouthed. He smiled and nodded. "No problem, now go enjoy your party, you deserve it."

She laughed as he winked at her and lead Thea outside. Taking a deep breath, Felicity looked around, scanning the room, her arms loosely wrapped around herself. She froze when she spotted the person huddled in darkness walking up the stairs. He, yes it was definitely a man, was wearing a hoodie, much like the one Oliver had been wearing the day before. That was when she was positive that it hadn't all been a dream. She glanced around to make sure nobody was paying attention to her and slipped through the crowd, rushing upstairs when she reached the steps.

She walked down the hallway to her bedroom, trying to calm her rapid breathing and erratic heartbeat. The door creaked a little as she pushed it open, silently closing it behind her. She walked tentatively inside the dark room, flicking on her bedside lamp, bathing the room in a gentle glow. She wanted to call out his name, but if it wasn't him, she would have some explaining to do.

"Thank you for taking care of Thea." A familiar voice said softly. Felicity yelped, spinning on her heel to see Oliver, with the hood of his sweater down, in the shadows leaning against her bookcase. His arms crossed nonchalantly over his chest.

"Geez. Oliver." She said, putting a hand over heart. She was sure it had skipped a beat, "You saw that, huh?" She asked and he simply nodded.

_God_ he looked good. Even in the shadows, every part of her ached to go near him; remind herself that he was still the man she loved.

"It really was no problem," she said softly, "I mean, she's practically my sister too." She froze, realizing what she'd said. "In the least incestuous way of course."

Oliver chuckled and pushed off of the wall, slowly walking towards her. Felicity shifted her weight between her legs and licked her lips, hands nervously twisting together.

"You know, I think it would help her if she knew you are alive…" Felicity trailed off as Oliver froze in his approach.

"Felicity…" He begged.

She nodded, laying off, "I know, I know. I can't tell her and I know you can't tell me it's just…"

Her mind played through all the possibilities. All the unknowns. It made her head hurt.

"I need to know..Are you in danger? Are you okay? I can't stand the thought.. after knowing you lived this far..."

"Hey," Oliver calmed, his hands running down her arms, lacing in her fingers, "I'm okay right now."

He swallowed and looked her in the eye, the seriousness of the situation catching up with her.

"After the Gambit went down, I made it to an island. People there saved my life, but now I owe them something in return. Telling Thea is a risk I'm not willing to take. It puts not only hers, but the lives of everyone I care about, including yours, in danger. I don't want that."

"Then why did you come to me?" She asked quietly, looking up at him, "If this is true… why are you here?"

"Cause it's you," He shrugged, "I wasn't going to, believe me. But you, eventually, would have figured it out all by yourself," he hinted, raising an eyebrow. Waiting for her to connect the dots.

"Hong Kong." She said in realization, eyebrows disappearing into her hairline.

"Hong Kong." He reaffirmed.

Felicity smiled softly and squeezed his hand in hers.

"By the way, when did you learn how to use a gun?" He asked, eyebrows knitting together in wonder, a tiny smirk on his lips. Felicity frowned in confusion.

"You have excellent aim," Oliver continued, "I have a scar to prove it."

She couldn't stop the indignant laugh that escaped her lips, "I actually hit you?" He looked baffled at her laughing, "I mean, I'm so sorry, but you shot first."

Oliver let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah…that was an accident?"

Her eyebrows shot up into her hair and she shook her head. "I don't even wanna know."

Sighing wistfully, he allowed himself to reach up and cup her cheek with one hand, the other still latched onto hers. The lightness of the conversation faded quickly as they looked at each other. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let his fingers curl around her shoulders.

"Felicity…" He started, taking a ragged breath to steady his voice. "I… I'm not the same person I was when I left Starling. I did things, had to do things, terrible things to survive. I wanna tell you everything, I do, but I fear you will see me differently. Broken. Damaged."

She sighed softly and tucked her bottom lip between her teeth before speaking, reaching up put her hand on his cheek and letting her fingers study his longer hair in wonder, smiling at the difference.

"You're here and you're alive. That's all that matters to me, Oliver." She whispered, her expression raw emotion.

When she leaned towards him, he was already there, lips ready on hers. The kiss was gentle, sweet and yet filled with so much pent up emotion from the last three years they had been without each other. His hand instinctively found its way around her waist, pulling her against him. Felicity bumped her nose against his when they parted, her lips staying in close proximity with his. She kept her eyes shut to stay in the moment.

"We shouldn't do this." Oliver whispered helplessly against her lips, "You have a boyfriend."

Her eyes snapped open. "What?! No, I don't." she protested in loud indignation.

It was Oliver's turn to open his eyes, mirroring the confusion in hers.

"There have been some casual flings, but no boyfriends. And this is hardly the time to talk about that," She shook her head, scrunching up her face.

"Then what about Tommy?" Oliver asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Felicity almost snorted. "He's one of my best friends. And in a very committed relationship with Laurel," she said, before noticing the way Oliver's jaw was twitching, "Wait a minute. Were you_ jealous_?"

"No. Don't be ridiculous," Oliver said, rolling his eyes as though that was a ridiculous accusation. She felt a grin spread over her features.

"Yes you are! You're jealous of Tommy! Isn't that adora—" Her words were cut off by his lips fervently pressing against hers, his tongue sweeping along the seam of her lips. She moaned against him as he hauled her into his arms, hands roaming over her body. Sighing into him, their tongues finally met. A delicious shiver ran up her spine.

She wrapped her legs around his waist effortlessly when Oliver lifted her off the floor, her ankles locking around his back. He held her up with an arm banded around her back, giving him the freedom to run a hand up her thigh, thumb tracing along the edges of her lacy underwear. She gasped into him, jerking her hips into his touch. Her fingers were fumbling with the zipper of his sweatshirt while simultaneously using it as leverage to pull him closer. Felicity somehow managed to get the offending item of clothing off of him as he reached her bed and sat down with her in his lap.

She sat up a little, knees on either side of his thighs and tugged at the hem of his t-shirt. Felicity let her hands roam over the newly exposed plains of his chest. Tossing his t-shirt aside, Oliver put his hands on her waist as she let her fingers run over the scars and ridges and dips on his chest. He'd always been built, but there was something more rugged and weathered about him that she couldn't say she disliked.

That sudden flare of passion was replaced by tenderness. Felicity lingered on one of the larger scars, on his right shoulder. It had clearly been left untreated and un-sutured.

"That was the first one." He murmured, watching as her face fell. She took a deep breath and leaned down to kiss the marred flesh. He'd be lying if he said that didn't raise some goosebumps on his arms.

Felicity straightened her back and leaned closer to him, pressing her lips to his. Her kiss was so soft and gentle that he was afraid she was gonna break if he held her any tighter. She ran her hands through the long locks of his hair, which was a new sensation for him. He'd always had it cropped short. Felicity took his face in her hands, thumbs stroking through his stubble as her lips started moving more fervently. Oliver's hands moved up her back, making her arch into him, hips deliciously grinding down. He found the zipper of her dress and tugged it down, slipping the material off her shoulders. He pulled his mouth away from hers and started trailing a path of kisses from her jaw to her throat and down to her collarbone and then her shoulder. Felicity was shrugging out of the sleeves of her dress, letting it pool around her waist, revealing a lacy black bra. Oliver swallowed at the sight. She hadn't changed much, her body had matured a little bit and she was a bit more confident, but she was still the same Felicity. He trailed his fingers down the creamy skin of her sides, making her shiver in anticipation. She pulled him back up to press her lips back to his.

"Why are you still wearing pants?" She asked between kisses.

Oliver laughed as she reached for the button of his pants, undoing it in one swift flick of her fingers. Reaching for the fabric bunched around her waist, he pulled her dress over her head, leaving her in her lingerie and heels. A sight for sore eyes.

And then he flipped them over, letting her back hit the softness of her down comforter. She let out a surprised gasped as he settled between her legs, the tips of her heels digging into his thighs. He reached up, cradling her face, lips moving languidly over hers, their tongues exploring each other like it was the very first time they kissed.

"Happy birthday, Felicity." He murmured against her lips, making her laugh.

Oliver's hands moved down her sides, over her hips and down her thighs and then he pulled his mouth away from hers, pressing kisses down her body, on her collarbone, in the valley between her breasts, on her stomach, just above de edge of her underwear, on the inside of her thighs and the top of her knees as he fumbled with the straps on her heels. A flush spread over her body as she mewled underneath him. Her fingers clutched at the fabric of the sheets while she tried to stay still. When he was done with her shoes, he tossed them to the floor and toed off his own, quickly followed by his jeans. She was sitting up on her knees, scooting to the edge of the bed where he was standing. Her hands moved around him, palms flat against his torso. She teased a finger under the waistband of his boxer briefs, free hand splayed across the rough skin of the burn scarring on his lower back, her thumb stroking it softly. He hummed, catching her lips with his again. God, he would never get enough of kissing her. She tasted so sweet and it was almost intoxicating, addictive at least.

He moved his hands around her back, unclipping her bra, tossing the lacy garment on the floor. She chuckled as he admired her, nuzzling his nose against the column of her throat. He tugged her closer against him, so their chests were pressed together. Felicity reached up to tangle her hand in his hair. He was about to lean them back on the mattress when she tugged at his underwear, shedding him of his last item of clothing. Her small hand fell over his length and he gasped as she stroked up and down, slowly. She was in control and she knew it.

Oliver stepped out of the underwear pooled at his feet and nudged a knee between Felicity's legs so he could climb on the bed with her. She leaned back willingly, her head hitting the softness of the pillows.

"I love you, Oliver." She whispered as he hovered over her, elbows braced next to her head, as his hips settled comfortably between her thighs.

He leaned down to press a soft kiss against her lips. "I love you, Felicity."

Smiling brightly, he reached up to cup his face, pulling him down to kiss him passionately. He let his hand roam over her body, thumbs flicking across her nipples, making her keen, frantically jerking her hips up into him. Oliver groaned at the contact, suddenly pulling away from her, hooking his thumbs into the flimsy material of her panties and yanking them down her legs, away from her center. She bit her lip in anticipation as his hands moved up the insides of her thighs. He loomed over her, making her gasp as he cupped her sex, a single digit teasing between her folds. She licked her lips, arching her back off of the bed.

"Oliver, please." She begged. "I need you."

He smirked at the sight of her so bewildered, pupils blown wide, her breathing rapid and he could only imagine how fast her heart was beating.

"Condom?" He whispered, leaning down to press a trail of kisses over her chest.

"It's okay, I'm on the pill." She gasped, squeezing her eyes shut, fingers clutching in the sheets as he teased a finger inside of her.

He took hold of himself, slowly sliding up and down her wet heat, covering himself with her arousal. Felicity moaned, wrapping her legs around his waist even tighter, forcing him closer. He kissed her again and then he was pushing in, slowly. She gasped against his lips, biting her lips to keep from crying out. He moved his lips to her temple, pressing soft kisses into her hair until he was completely inside of her. Her breathing was heavy.

"I..uh.. It's been a while. Give me a sec, okay?" She whispered. He nodded, continuing his trail of kisses along her jaw and back to her lips. One of her hands moved into his hair, gripping tightly.

"Of course." He sighed, moving his lips over hers. He wouldn't mind just staying like this, connected in the most intimate way possible. She was deliciously tight around him. She stirred a little as his mouth began to decent to her chest again. She pulled on his hair a little.

"I'm okay. Oliver, please."

He didn't need to be asked twice. Looking up, staring into her eyes he moved his hips, slowly pulling out of her and then slowly thrusting back in. He kept his eyes on her, watching as her face contorted at the sensation. His pace fastened little by little, making her face more expressive and her cries louder. Reaching up, Felicity ran her fingers over his scars, and the loving look in her eyes nearly had him crumbling to pieces right there and then. She captured his face in her hands and pulled his lips to her own, her hips thrusting upwards, meeting his halfway. She cried out as he started hitting exactly the right spot after he changed the angle a little bit by wrapping his arm around her back, lifting her off the bed. She had her arms around his shoulders, hanging on for dear life, legs tightening around his. He let a hand wander to where they were joined, circling her clit once, twice, and then flicking the sensitive little nub with his thumb. And then she was falling over the edge into the abyss with a breathtaking, toe curling, fist clutching orgasm. She cried out his name, back arching off the bed, pressing her chest into his. Her nails dug into his shoulders as her inner muscles spasmed, clenching around him.

He kept moving, guiding her through her orgasm and chasing his own. He came undone with a grunt, her name a curse under his breath as he emptied himself inside of her. Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he slumped down on top of her, damp skin against damp skin, turning his head so he could look at her. Felicity was trying to calm her breathing underneath him, but she kept smirking up at him. Slowly, he pulled out of her warmth, resulting in a soft whine coming from her mouth at the loss of contact. He chuckled lowly and reached up to kiss her.

"That was, if a little frantic and desperate, just as amazing as I remember. Maybe even better." She said when they parted, their foreheads pressed together. Oliver laughed and pushed up on his elbows, worried that his weight would crush her. She was smiling, looking up at him with her bright blue eyes. A hand moved up to cup his cheek, thumb stroking through his stubble. He couldn't help leaning down again to claim her lips with his own before pushing off of her, climbing off the bed and heading into her bathroom.

He came back with a washcloth drenched in warm water and settled between her legs, carefully cleaning off her thighs. She sighed as he let if fall over her center, gently getting rid of the stickiness. And then he was gone again, to put away the cloth.

Felicity sighed, absentmindedly letting her hand wander over her stomach. Oliver moved to lie next to her, head propped up with his hand. He smoothed a stray curl behind her ear before pulling her against him. She could feel the exhaustion kick in, their activities draining her of her energy. Oliver kissed her temple and murmured in her ear as her eyes were drooping.

"Go to sleep, Felicity."

She sighed, letting her eyelids fall shut. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Yes." He said, letting his fingers trail down her side.

"Promise me?" She asked, opening her eyes and turning her head to look up at him.

His lips descended onto hers in an ever so sweet kiss. "I promise." He whispered, pulling the covers over both of them as she curled into him, her head resting on his shoulder. She was fast asleep in mere seconds, leaving Oliver to contemplate possible consequences to him coming –quite literally—here tonight. Felicity's breathing evened out beside him, and he couldn't help reaching out and taking her small hand in his own, entwining their fingers. He figured he would deal with whatever repercussions the night's event would have for him, and let his own exhaustion pull him into a deep slumber.

Felicity woke up around five in the morning. Oliver wasn't where he'd been when she'd fallen asleep, rather seated on the edge of the bed as he was getting dressed. Felicity rubbed her eyes as she got a good look at his back for the first time. The burn on his lower back, the abundance of scars on his back and shoulders and the dragon tattoo. She sat up and reached out to touch it, index finger tracing over the delicate lines. Oliver's head snapped up, looking over his shoulder to see her sitting there, with the sheets wrapped around her torso, her hair a tangled mess of gold.

"You have to leave now, don't you?" She asked quietly, pulling away from as he pulled his olive green t-shirt over his head.

Oliver nodded, sadness evident in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I would stay if I could."

She tried not to show the hurt that settled in her stomach, mustering up a smile, "I know. It's okay."

He looked down at his hands and sighed. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want this night to end. He wished he never got on that damn boat and he wished he could just hold her, every day, from now on. But, he couldn't. Reality was seeping in like the first rays of morning sunlight through Felicity's thin curtains.

"I'll miss you. So much," She whispered, resting her head against his shoulder, pressing her lips to the cotton of his t-shirt. Oliver closed his eyes for a second, letting himself enjoy his last moments with her. His hand came up to cradle her head, to keep her close.

"I'll come back." He said, opening his eyes and turning his head so he could look at her.

"I'm not gonna ask you to promise you will," She sighed deep as though holding in a cry, "I know you can't promise that." She murmured, playing with the sheets pooled in her lap.

"Thank you." Oliver said quietly, shrugging into his sweatshirt. Felicity looked up, meeting his gaze in the semi-darkness. A sad smile made its way to his lips. He reached up, cupping her face. She hummed quietly, her head turning into his touch. Leaning closer, his lips moved over her in a whisper of a touch. Soft and gently. A goodbye. Felicity squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from spilling.

"Be safe." She whispered as they parted, keeping her eyes closed.

"I love you." He replied, making his point by kissing her again, thumb stroking over her cheek, wiping away a stray tear that had slipped out despite her efforts to keep them in.

"I love you, too. Now go. I don't want to you to get in trouble."

She could feel the bed move as he stood up, but his hand didn't leave her cheek, instead, his free hand joined it on the other side, holding her tighter. He angled her face up, kissing her one last time before he left. This kiss held promises for the uncertain future, hopes and dreams and so much passion. Felicity sat up a little, hand catching Oliver's wrist. The movements of his lips slowed until he was pressing soft, chaste kissing on her lips. And then he kissed away her salty tears until he couldn't kiss away any more, and his hands dropped sadly from her skin.

She kept her eyes closed, head angled down to her lap, and listened. She heard his footsteps grow more faint as he distanced himself from her-heard him pause, opening her bedroom door. Could feel him watching her, but she wouldn't allow herself to look at him one last time. She couldn't. With the ache in her chest, she knew that if the same pain she felt was mirrored in his eyes, she would never let him leave.

She didn't think she could bear it.

So, she sat still, covered with only her silky sheets, arms wrapped around herself in an attempt not to crumble to pieces. She heard the door click shut after a long time and she finally let her eyes flutter open to the empty room around her.

She was alone— so she curled slowly back into the soft pillows, the faint smell of Oliver still lingering on them and let the tears leak out of her eyes as she cried herself to sleep.


	5. When I See You Again

**CHAPTER TWENTY: WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN**

_It's been a long day without you my friend,_  
_and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again._  
_We've come a long way from where we began._  
_Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again._

_Why do you have to leave so soon?_  
_Why do you have to go?_  
_Why do you have to leave me when I needed you the most?_  
_Cause I don't really know how to tell ya without feeling much worse._  
_I know you're in a better place and it's always gonna hurt._  
_Carry on, give me all the strength I need._  
_To carry on._

_It's been a long day without you my friend,_  
_and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again._  
_We've come a long way from where we began._  
_Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again._

_How do I breath without ya?_  
_Feeling so cold._  
_I'll be waiting right here for ya till the day you're home._  
_Carry on, give me all the strength I need._  
_To carry on._  
_So let the light guide your way, hold every memory as you go._  
_And every road you take will always lead you home._

Felicity had always thought keeping track of the number of days since or until a certain occasion was mindless, but that didn't exactly stop her for mentally crossing off the nine hundredth and seventy fifth day since she had seen Oliver when she woke up that morning. It was a day like any other, the October air crisp and slightly chilly and yet, so much would change.

In the past three years, a lot had changed. Felicity still worked at Queen Consolidated, but she had recently been promoted to head of IT and had moved out of her father's house, cutting all financial (and most emotional) ties with him. She had found a lovely townhouse with a spare bedroom that she'd converted into a computer/tech palace. She had tried dating, even had a boyfriend or two, but it never lasted. She was unable to really commit to anyone for reasons she was all too aware of. Oliver.

At one point, she had gone a bit out of control in an attempt to just feel something. Whether it was booze, drugs or sex, it didn't seem to matter. It never worked, but she'd actively tried. Tommy and Laurel had sat her down and talked some sense into her and she'd realized what a mess she'd turned into and had vowed to turn things around.

After her morning coffee she sent a quick text to Thea telling her to get ready because she would be at the mansion soon. Thea had grown into a lean, strong and sophisticated young woman over the past three years but she hadn't quite grown out of her teenage antics. She still liked to party hard and often while her anger issues had actually become such a problem that Felicity had suggested she put some of that pent up anger into any kind of workout. Thea had agreed, but on one condition; that Felicity would train with her. Felicity was quick to agree, because Thea was the one Queen she could actually help with something. And it meant she had less time alone to worry herself sick over Oliver.

Over time, not only Thea's anger problem had lessened but her grades had gone up as well, ensuring that she would be able to go to a good school after graduation. Felicity was more than a little proud of her. Thea was as close to a sister she had and to see her thrive gave her the best feeling in the world.

Oliver would have been so proud of his little sister. Felicity often found herself taking on 'big brother' tasks, as far as scaring off teenage boys unworthy of dating Thea. She took her job very seriously, for Oliver.

God, she missed him so much. His voice was a constant presence in the back of her head that she didn't want to get rid of. She clung to his memory like a life boat. If she lost hope that he wouldn't return to her, she would lose her mind and tip right back into that pit of despair she fell into right after the accident.

About forty minutes later, halfway down the Queen driveway, Felicity had still not received a reply from Thea and was expecting, and preparing for the worst. She parked her red mini cooper, grabbed her duffel bag and walked over to the grand front door. It slid open before she could grasp the handle, a smiling Raisa on the other side.

"Good morning, Miss Merlyn." She spoke with her thick Russian accent.

Felicity smiled sweetly at the older woman and sighed. "Raisa, please. Call me Felicity."

Raisa nodded and smiled but Felicity knew she wasn't gonna change the way she addressed her. She let Raisa take her coat and glanced around the foyer.

"Any sign of Thea being up yet?"

Raisa shook her head. "Not yet, but you can go right upstairs. I have breakfast ready in the dining room."

"Thank you, Raisa." Felicity smiled, a hand falling to Raisa's forearm before she stepped away and ascended the stairs. Felicity knocked twice before entering Thea's room. The girl in question was sprawled out in her enormous king sized bed, arm hanging off the edge, drooling all over her pillow. Sighing, Felicity let her shoulders slump and quietly closed the door behind her. Dropping her duffle bag on the sofa, she sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged Thea's hair out of the girl's face.

"Thea. Wake up. The new day isn't gonna wait for you." She whispered, trying to gently ease Thea into consciousness. All the response she got was a groan and a weak attempt at swatting her hands away.

"Come on, Thea. We don't have all day." Felicity spoke up, lightly shaking Thea's shoulder.

Another groan and Thea was peeking through her lashes, squinting her eyes against the bright daylight.

"Do I have to get up?" She mumbled.

"Yes, you do. You told me to get you out of bed no matter how much you would protest, remember?"

Thea groaned again and turned to lie on her back. "Please remind me why I told you that because I honestly can't think of a single reason right now."

Chuckling, Felicity stood up and walked into the giant walk-in closet attached to Thea's room.

"Because, and I'm quoting here: "I don't wanna waste the entire day by spending half of it in bed." Besides, It'll be good. We haven't trained in a while and I wouldn't want your progress to be for nothing." She called out, grabbing some comfortable clothes for Thea.

Walking back into the main room, Thea had managed to sit up against the headboard. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "I hate it when you're right."

Felicity smiled sweetly and dropped the clothes on the bed. "C'mon now, get dressed. Raisa made us breakfast."

After Thea got dressed and Felicity changed into her workout-gear, they ate their breakfast and made their way to the gym the basement of the mansion housed. Starting off with a proper warm-up, Felicity attempted to get Thea's hangover under control, but it was clear that today would only consist of medium butt-kicking in the gym. After all, miracles only happened in the movies, Felicity told herself. She would have to work with what hungover Thea could give her. She was lucky they didn't have much time today, anyway.

Thea's hands got wrapped up in electric blue boxing gloves, Felicity stationed behind the punching bag, keeping it still while Thea let out her anger.

"C'mon Thea, you can do better. Rotate your hips. That's where the strength comes from."

Grunting, Thea did as Felicity instructed, delivering pointed strike after strike, one with more force than the other until she collapsed against the leather of the punching bag. Wiping the sweaty hair out of her face, Thea sighed heavily. Felicity let go of the punching bag, letting it swing with Thea's weight against it while she retrieved their water bottles. Thea's eyes lit up when Felicity handed her her uncapped bottle between her boxing gloves, taking a large sip and gasping in relief. They were quiet for a while, both catching their breaths, letting their heartrates slow down a little.

"Can we do wing chun instead?" Thea asked, suddenly. Felicity's eyes went wide as she gulped down another sip of water."I think I got most of this week's anger out. I wanna go hand to hand." Making her eyes big and pushing out her bottom lip, Thea knew she could persuade her.

Felicity chuckled and shook her head. "Okay fine, but we don't have long. We don't want to be late for Laurel's party."

Thea excitedly clapped her gloved hands as they moved to the practice mat in the center of the gym. The gloves were quickly tossed to the side, next to the forgotten water bottles. Starting with the easy punches, the easily deflected, Felicity let Thea get into 'the flow' before increasing the pace and level of difficulty. Thea was getting quite good, but not as good as the years and years of training had made Felicity. Younger Queen was no match for her, but that didn't stop Thea for getting some strikes in. Thea was crafty and seized opportunities she saw in less than a split-second. And it worked. She couldn't defeat Felicity yet, but it wouldn't come as a surprise if she would be able to do so in the near future.

"Have you ever wondered where he learned all this stuff?" Thea asked after their third round of sparring.

Felicity froze. The question came seemingly out of nowhere but she understood exactly who and what Thea was talking about. Her father and his martial art skills. It wasn't that he was an uncomfortable subject for her to talk about, but she would still rather not associate with Malcolm Merlyn too much. He had his ways, in parenting, in business, etcetera, and Felicity didn't always approve of his methods. Hell, she full on disagreed with him on most subjects in general. Their relationship had always been strained, much more so after her mother had passed away, but he had thought her things that would always remind her of him no matter how hard she tried to forget.

She shrugged and reached down for her water bottle. "Not really. I always figured he did some traveling and maybe tried a 'reinventing yourself'-course or something after mom died."

"But why do you think he started training you?"

Felicity took a large swig from her water and frowned. "What's with all the questions about my dad?"

Lifting her shoulders, Thea held out her hand, immediately receiving the water bottle and taking a sip. "I don't know. I'm just curious. He's just… he always seems so closed off…"

"He is." Felicity interrupted her.

Thea sighed and let her head hang for a second. "I'm sorry, Lis. I shouldn't pry. I just thought maybe there's a good reason for his behavior."

Pursing her lips, Felicity shook her head and sighed. "It's okay, but even if there is some reason that would excuse his ways, I haven't found it in twenty three years so I doubt it is there to be found in the first place."

Thea nodded and smiled softly, sympathetically. "Let's change the subject. Like…" She trailed off, thinking of a new matter to discuss.

Her smile brightened. "Like, what are you gonna wear to Laurel's party?"

Felicity chuckled as they collected their gear, silently agreeing that the workout was over. "I was just gonna go with what I had on this morning." Felicity said as she pulled her towel from her duffel bag.

Thea tipped her head to the side and squinted a little. "Please, refresh my memory, cause even though I seem perfectly not hungover right now, I definitely was this morning and I didn't take notice of your outfit."

Felicity chuckled again and shook her head. "The floral blouse we bought in Coast City a while back and black skinny jeans."

Looking up, Felicity could see the wheels turning inside Thea's head. She was tugging at her bottom lip as she was thinking until one of her perfectly arched eyebrows flew up into her hairline.

"Now, the blouse I can work with! I'm not too sure about the skinnies."

"The invite said semi-formal!" Felicity argued.

She had a feeling this wasn't a battle she was going to win. If Thea was passionate about something, it was fashion and dressing people up. Felicity didn't mind, she always liked the clothes Thea picked out for her because she always kept in mind who she was dressing and what they liked. She took the unusual and brightly colored items Felicity loved and somehow always managed to create a classy outfit. They always went shopping together because Thea was also able to find great deals on designer items. Not that they really needed it, but there was something very satisfying about finding a piece for half the usual price.

"What did you have in mind for shoes?" Thea asked, pulling Felicity's attention back to the matter at hand.

"Uhm…" Felicity stammered. "I was gonna go with my panda flats."

Thea gasped."Felicity! Pleaselet me borrow you my Louboutins."

The door swung open revealing a smiling Laurel. She was wearing a stylish orange dress that suited her sun kissed skin perfectly. Excitement was radiating off of her and Felicity found herself already being uplifted by it.

"Hi guys! So glad you could be here!" She beamed.

The last three years had been kind to Laurel. She had matured, looking very sophisticated and professional. She had decided to enroll in law school and they were here to celebrate her passing of the BAR exam.

She and Tommy had been living together for little over a year now. They had found a beautiful penthouse downtown, near the university and Queen Consolidated, that they could afford with Tommy's new job as Junior Marketing Executive. It wasn't too extravagant, but the view was to die for. It was perfect for the young couple.

"Congratulations!" Felicity and Thea sang in accidental harmony. Laurel's smile grew impossibly wider as she stepped forward to embrace them both at the same time.

"Guys, thank you so much!"

"We brought you flowers!" Felicity laughed.

"And champagne!" Thea chimed in, holding up the bottle of Moët.

Chuckling, Felicity shook her head as they walked inside. The living room was scattered with guests, most of which Felicity had met before, some new faces. Altogether, it looked like everybody was having a good time.

"Don't worry, we brought you an actual gift too." She said as Laurel put the flowers in a vase.

"You didn't have too." Laurel smiled thankfully, accepting the little package Thea handed her.

"Of course we did! You graduated freaking law school. That's a big deal!" Thea squealed

Chuckling, Laurel ripped of the wrapping and opened the little box containing a thin gold chain and a tiny gold wishbone hanging from it. She sighed audible as she pulled it from the cushioning of the box, marveling at it as the necklace sparkled.

"Oh! It's beautiful! Thank you so much."

Thea smiled brightly "We figured it would bring you some luck on your fancy new job."

Laurel pulled both of them in for another hug and sighed, carefully draping the necklace back into the box.

"It's not that fancy. It's situated in the Glades and it's mostly charity work."

"That doesn't make it less amazing that you're doing it." Felicity said softly, earning a smile from Laurel.

"I just wanna help those in need of legal aid." She said.

"Laurel Lance. Always trying to save the world." A new voice said.

The women turned around to see a grinning Tommy leaning against the doorpost.

"Smoak! I was wondering where you were. I figured you'd be glued to her side all day." Felicity teased, gesturing in Laurel's direction.

Tommy chuckled and crossed the distance between them and kissed her on the cheek. "Good to see you too, Merlyn."

He turned to Thea. "Speedy."

Thea sighed audibly as he kissed her cheek and swatted at his chest playfully. That only seemed to make the nickname more fun for him. He moved to Laurel's side and kissed her temple. It was nauseatingly sweet.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Tommy whispered in Felicity's ear as the conversation had continued. Thea had just asked Laurel more about her new job and Felicity had meant to listen when Tommy had jerked his head to the side. She frowned in confusion, but followed him anyway.

They ended up in his and Laurel's bedroom. Felicity sipped her drink calmly while Tommy paced back and forth.

"Are you okay? You seem nervous."

He let out a breathy laugh and nodded. "I am."

Frowning, Felicity tipped her head to the side. Tommy wiggled his eyebrows and reached into his jacket-pocket. He pulled out a square velvet box and Felicity immediately knew what it was. Her eyes went wide, lips forming an 'o' in astonishment.

"Oh. My. God." She whispered, hand flying up to cover her mouth. Tommy let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and opened up the ring-box, revealing a cushion-cut diamond engagement ring. en/one-cushion-cut-diamond-micropav%C3%

Pressing her teeth into her bottom-lip, Felicity let her hand fall away from her mouth to cover her heart. She was having a hard time choking back the tears of happiness.

"You're gonna propose." It wasn't a question, just a statement. Tommy laughed nervously and nodded.

"Things are good. We're happy. So I thought, why wait."

Suddenly, Felicity unfroze, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Tommy, hugging him tightly.

"Oh my god! I'm so happy for you guys!" She cooed.

Tommy chuckled. "You know, she has to say yes, first."

"Of course she's gonna say yes. I've known her for a long time and if the heart-eyes she gives you whenever you're in the room, she's head over heels in love with you. She's not gonna say no, Tommy."

Tommy smiled softly. "Thanks, Lis."

Felicity couldn't stop herself from giddily clapping her hands and jumping up and down. Tommy and Laurel had become two of her best friends and she wanted nothing more than for them to be happy.

"So, when were you gonna go down on one knee?"

"I was thinking today. All our friends are here to celebrate anyways."

"Oh no! no no-no, you're gonna want to wait a little while. You don't want to be a party freeloader. You know, use this party for like a million different things. Besides, you got to plan this properly, she's gonna remember this moment for the rest of her life, make it special. Take her to the beach, or to the place of your first date, or maybe her favorite restaurant."

"Our anniversary is coming up."

"Yes! That's perfect!" Felicity put a hand over her heart as she swooned like a schoolgirl at the thought of her two friends getting engaged.

"Oh, Oliver would have loved this. Seeing you two so happy." She sighed. She didn't miss the concern in Tommy's eyes. He smiled at her but the unspoken question hung in the air between them. Felicity let her head hang and pressed her lips together.

"Tommy, I'm fine." Lie number one.

She sat down on the bed and reached for his hand. "I'm moving on, I swear."

Lie number two.

"It's just…It's hard." Now that was the truth because knowing that Oliver was alive out there, somewhere, probably in horrible conditions, must have been the hardest thing Felicity had ever had to live with, worrying about him every day, wondering if he would come back.

She knew it was extremely unfair because of what Oliver had to deal with, but she was kind of mad at him. She wasn't able to move on, enjoy her life, find peace with his disappearance because she knew he was still out there, somewhere. Extremely unfair, but still the truth.

She was scared to admit it but she needed those workouts with Thea just as much as the latter did. Not only did they keep her busy, but just like Thea, she got to punch that pent up anger and worry and sadness right out of her.

"I worry about you, Lis." Tommy said, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"I want you to be as happy with someone as I am with Laurel."

Felicity smiled softly and bit her lower lip. "And I will be, someday. I just need a little time."

When Oliver would return home, she thought to herself. That would be the start of her being happy again. It would take a weight off of her shoulders she wasn't sure she could carry for much longer.

"Can I ask you something?" Tommy asked.

Felicity nodded. "Sure."

"What happened with that guy, Barry was his name I think?"

A breathy laugh escaped from her lips. "He was a nice guy, we had a scary lot in common, but we soon realized that we were both hung up on other people, so we ended it before it could get ugly."

"I'm sorry, Lis."

"It's okay. Like I said, I just need time. Laurel is your soulmate and Oliver is mine. I'm probably never going to be as happy as I was with him, but I'm trying." She squeezed Tommy's hand again and smiled a little.

The universe must have had pity on her right then because her phone started ringing. She scrambled for the piece of technology in her purse and frowned when she saw the caller-id.

"Hang on a second. It's Moira." Tommy nodded understandingly, raising his hand a little to wordlessly tell her to go ahead. Pressing the call button, Felicity put the phone to her ear.

"Hello."

"Felicity? It's Moira. Is Thea with you?"

Felicity's eyebrows knitted together. Moira sounded concerned and on edge, like she was nervous to tell her something.

"Yes, she is. She's just in the other room, do you want me to go get her?"

"No, that's okay, I just… could you both come to the house, please, it's important."

Felicity's heart started racing in her chest. "Of course. Is everything okay? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine dear. Never been better, actually." Moira let out a breathy laugh and then sniffled. Was she crying? Felicity pursed her lips.

"Moira, please tell me what's going on, you're freaking me out."

Another huff of air blown into the phone's microphone. "It's Oliver. They found him."


End file.
